Don't get me wrong. I'm still in love with Bike Helmet Girl and she'll always be my Number One. But I'm sending out much love to reader Joeyjoseph who sent in this link to our new favorite Yelptard, a hot Asian chick who calls herself Scarlet but is considering changing her Yelp name to Anne, Charlotte, Madeleine or Marianne. Check out her reviews which are almost entirely nasty. She's also a bit obsessed with sex, especially butt sex. And she's mightily impressed with her own intellectual abilities, as displayed on her ridiculously pretentious blog "Sartre & Heidegger." (I'm not kidding, that's really the name.) Some must-read entries include this one about her dream jobs which include wrapping gifts, decorating cakes, running a sex shop and writing for The New Yorker. (Ahem.)
She also has some strong and hilarious opinions on
how math is taught in schools and appears to be slightly obsessed with butt sex, butt plugs, and sadomasochism.
Folks, welcome to the Bay Area. It's crawling with people like this. Frigtards who think they're "intellectuals" and spend a lot of time in cafes "journaling" and figure they can get back at their parents by having butt sex. That's why I love it here. Honestly.
By the way the runner-up in Yelptard of the month award goes to Scarlet's pal Stormi C, whose review page gives high marks to "Yelp booty" and would lead you to believe that Yelptards do nothing but go to parties, get drunk, and have low-IQ group sex with other pretentious strangers. No wonder Yelp is doing so well! Check out such nuggets as this description of a recent Yelp party:
As usual, Todd E. expertly picked a venue for us yelpers to engage in utter debauchery. As usual, I did my part to contribute to said debauchery. As usual, my little chocolate hands engaged in yet another episode of grab ass with my fellow yelpers, increasing said debauchery ten fold! As usual, I have a problem with the drink! I blame the Pineapple Martinis and Ketel One Lemonades at this place. My addictive personality could not resist them.This ebony sistah also appears to do some modeling. Check it out here. In fact a pal of mine who's a doc at UCSF Medical Center says they're treating so many Yelptards that the hospital's STD clinic now posts alerts around upcoming Yelp events and puts extra docs on duty on days following these parties. They're also coming up with new names for certain diseases to use on patient charts, eg, "Yelpamydia" and "Genital Yelps." Much love, kids!
9 comments:
Damn that chick is hot. Simone never went for ball gags and butt plugs, the prude. Anyway, thanks for giving me a boner, even though I'm dead. Oh yeah, btw, there is an afterlife.
Sartre from the grave
That pic is a lie, I've seen this girl in real life, and she isn't hot. Its one of those pics thats a total lie.
You know... Just FYI
Can we call her BPG?
Yes we can, anonymous. In fact that's a brilliant idea. I just changed my headline per your suggestion.
gawd, jobs-o.
you honestly couldn't pay a team of the finest hollywood writers to come up with characters and writing like on these blogs.
so self-obsessed and thinking they just invented odd sex for everyone (again), yet so utterly wasted (in every sense of the word) and lacking true self-examination at the same time.
you make me remember why i'm glad i'm in oregon and not down there any more. and for that, i thank both you and our new objet d'shame, bpg.
have you seen her blog? she now quotes you but doesn't get you. ha!
El-jobso, now you dunnit -- there's a mad angry boyfriend after ya. Be afraid, very afraid...
You have published libelous and copyrighted materials for commercial gain without authorization. This has caused damages to the parties named. You are hereby asked to pay $7500 to these parties, remove the offending materials, and post a public apology immediately. Other parties who have republished these libelous and copyrighted materials have been similarly notified.
Saxon R MacLeod
the pic has been tampered with..no doubts.
Post a Comment