Jeez. If I see another one of these frigtarded stories about how my job is so safe, like this one on Reuters, I am just gonna friggin scream. Safe? My job is safe? Do you realize how un-safe a CEO's job is even when things are going well? Have you not read Shakespeare? There is always -- always -- someone plotting to kill the king. And crap like this options business just gives those backstabbers more to work with. Oh yeah, I know. Apple can't exist without Jobso. You know that and I know that. But tell that to the saps who'd love to take the place over, and who believe, deep in their souls, that they could do a way better job than I've done. Oh, it's a dark night of the soul for the Jobsmeister, believe me. Heidi Roizen is calling me every hour, pretending she just wants to be supportive. Guy Kawasaki keeps leaving me voice mail and sounding like a vampire who just caught a whiff of an open cut somewhere in the vicinity. Bastards!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
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15 comments:
Jobso... I'm a shareholder. You work for ME. Your resignation will NOT be accepted. Even the institutional shareholders aren't such frigtards when money is at stake.
If all else fails, we well replace the damned Board and find some ex-KGB to drag you back to Cupertino (so if you fake that death, you had better do it good.)
This isn't about you. It's much more important than that. It's about our money. You many not care about money, but trust me, we do...
Much love.
Steve, this is how you get out of this. Call Eisner, yeah I know you hate his guts, but call under the pretense of burying the hatchet or something, and then kinda let it slip that your thinking of stepping down. Then using a dummy company, buy as many puts on Apple as you can. Now when Eisner leaks the info, and you know he will, the stock tanks big time, I mean huge. Cash the puts, then using the same company buy up calls in size. Now you go on CNBC with my buddy Joe Kernan, or maybe Faber and of course you refute Mousetards story and you fake that your incredulous as to how he came to his conclusion. You also take this opportunity of course to question his motives and his sanity. You could say this was the problem you had with him at Disney, that he just makes up shit and stuff, and that he probably should maybe seek some help. Course now the stock goes airborne and ElJobso has more than covered the money you should have got from those fake backdated options. The residual beauty of the plan, is that once the SEC sees how the stock tanks with the possibility of no ElStevo at the helm, my guess is the case kinda just disappears, kinda like York had Kerkorian disappear, well, the real Kerkorian anyhoo. In addition, when the rumour surfaces, you'll quickly see who at the old Cupertino Campus is against you. Then while your doing your interview with Kernan or Faber on air, live, you have your people you can trust go from office to office firing all the frigtards who were plotting behind your back. Just like Michael did in Godfather II, during the Christening scene. Have it filmed, and show it at Macworld, right before you announce the big new product. I'm all giggly just thinking about it. Good luck.
You know what? I like this. I like this a lot. And that sequence in the Godfather has always been one of my favorites in all of film history.
Steve, what can you tell us about this comment on the Enderle story on MDN?
http://macdailynews.com/index.php/weblog/comments/12084/
"I had the opportunity to sit down with Steve Jobs a recently at Apple Headquarters in Cupertino. We met in the boardroom. It was just Steve, myself and a man he had known for close to 30 years. We met for 45 minutes.
I can tell you as a matter of fact that Steve Jobs is as close to Evil as a human being can come. He is extremely inhumane!!!
Life is a very simple proposition. You get out of it what you put into it, and let me say Steve Jobs is so bad that he deserves the worst.
I realize that many people who read this will say that I am making it up or that this is a fake, but I can assure you it is very real.
Steve Jobs is not only a rotten apple, but he is pure evil. Being an extremely devout Mac user it was extremely difficult for me to reconcile Steve's behaviour. I think Steve has some redeeming qualities, but if you guys experinced what I did your jaws would drop to the floor."
Boo hoo. I yelled at Guy Kawasaki and made him sit under the table for a while because he brought me tea that wasn't hot enough. Guy knows better and he totally accepted his punishment. He knows this is the only way for the cult, er, company to run properly. Close attention to details. That's what makes Apple great. Striving for perfection. It's also why Guy loves me.
Oh fSteve! You'll be ok. Here's how things'll go...
The Days before PodPhone
-----
twas a few days past Christmas and all through the house,
Vista was waiting to hear from your mouse.
Jim Allchin retired and bought a nice Mac.
He transferred his data and didn't look back.
Steve Ballmer had nightmares of market-share loss and wondered if next year he'd still be the boss.
The tired Vista team were asleep in their beds
while Russians with botnets built bugs in their heads.
When over at Apple there arose such a clatter
the bloggers all rushed in to see what's the matter.
The minutes of meetings of dubious truth had pushed Apple stock prices off of the roof!
The SEC lawyers, so lively and quick
looked into the options that CEO's nicked.
Steve Jobs used a strange phone to make many calls;
He fired some frigtards and showed his big balls!
Out Anderson!
Out Heinen!
Out anyone lacking!
You're fired! Clear your desks out!
I'm sending you packing!
And then, in a twinkling, the RDF came.
The SEC lawyers cleared Steven Jobs name.
He showed up at Macworld in mock turtleneck
and demoed cool things to keep Vista in check.
But lastly he paused, and said 'one more thing'
"I'm waiting for Shiller to give me a ring."
His jeans played some Dylan
I think 'Times a-changing'
He answered an iChat with greetings exchanging!
He slid closed the Podphone on ending the call
and said "Happy Macworld,
Happy Macworld to all!"
So, will Fred and Nancy (Anderson, Heinen) be executed by Sunday?
hey frigtard anonymous about your namby-pamby little mac daily news link and stupid enderle --
enderle is to tech news what rush limbaugh is to real hard fact - as in, never the twain shall meet, you frigtard.
this is the same enderle who is quoted in your sweet little mac daily news as claiming in 2005 that Microsquish wrote the original MacOS.
yeah, click on that you frigtard little mac daily news jumper. this guy is about as reliable as your altzheimer'd great aunt hattie after 3 sherry's and a medical marijuana spliff.
you dork.
oh, and next time, include the direct link to the story you're talking about, not some mac daily news comment digest that updates every 15 minutes so i have to google all over the known universe to find out what the hell your sorry butt is talking about.
Sounds like someone needs a high colonic. People, please, let's all lighten up.
Steve,
I am not a shareholder. I am not an American either. I just am an Apple lover.
I am a university instructor in Istanbul.
But these do not hinder my saying that I love your style (knowing that you have to work hard, very hard to convey this style).
This is the style that Sculley and Amelio could not manage (they did not have the "apple culture") for more than a decade.
I hope for the success of Apple in the years to come.
Kind regards,
Vedat Cakmak
Universite Galatasaray
Dear Steve,
When I was 10 years old, my Dad bought me an Apple IIe after he set a challenge for me that he didn't think I could complete. He bought me the Apple although he really couldn't afford to, keeping his word to me. That computer changed my life and gave me a hope that is difficult to express.
Later, I read in the book 'Infinite Loop' a passage about how adamant you were about choosing that particular case for the computer, and what it cost the company to adhere to your great vision. Many people may consider the decision a mistake in the corporate world. I think back to the love I possessed for that computer, it's aesthetics. How eager I was to help my brother with his book reports which incorporated graphics and COLOR.
I feel that it is very important for me to tell you how much your vision and courage means to me and countless others, I'm certain. I want you to know that you inspire me in my life, that you, your vision, your actions and your steadfastness have become ingrained in my music, my business endeavors and in how I treat everyone from my lovers to a stranger on the street. I write this so that for one moment, you can forget the board of directors, Reuters, wall street and your competitors. I write this so that you can glimpse how you touch peoples lives in ways beyond comprehension. That you move people in the same way that the Bob Dylan's, Joan Baez's and Abraham Lincoln's of the world move people. That despite what your title is, you are a gift to this universe and I am grateful for you in my prayers to the great unknowable spirit.
Thank you for Apple, Thank you for Macintosh, Thank you for NeXT, Thank you for Pixar, Thank you for iPod, Thank you for Steve. Stubborn, Brilliant & Passionate Steve.
I honor you in song and spirit and I honor you with all the kindness, beauty, creativity, love, abundance, expansion and receptiveness in my soul.
Your brother in the great Infinite Spiritual Loop,
-Hani
my music:
http://www.path.com/billyjackandjanine
Steve,
This message is from Istanbul. And from a person who teaches internet in a university, Universite Galatasaray, actually polluted by George W. Bush in May 2004.
Loved your presentation on iPhone.
I should add that we are of the same age (another reason why I also loved your choices of "Sargeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Band" and of Bob Dylan)
You are again defining the routes to where technology be leading to.
Good luck.
Vedat Çakmak
Nice Post
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