Well my friggin lawyers are advising me that I will have to shut down this scandalous old blog. Details not worth going into here. Someday I'll be able to explain. Maybe I'll write a book or something. Maybe a really beautiful e-Book that you can carry in your pocket and which will be sleek and elegant and shiny, with rounded corners and an extremely hi-res touch screen and only one button. Anyhoo, I've really enjoyed having this naked conversation with you, and I hope I've managed to restore a sense of childlike wonder to your life. The photo above, I believe, makes a perfect swansong. No prize this time. Just doing it for love and glory. Extra points to anyone who can translate this mad crazy funky language.
For now, dear friends, let me leave you with a message of hope and peace and love. Follow your dreams. Do what you love. Dance like nobody's watching, sing like nobody's listening. When accused of wrongdoing, clam up and point the finger at the people underneath you. To all of you regular readers and posters: Domo arigato, as they say in Mandarin Chinese. Or is it Tibetan? If you believe in reincarnation, as I do, then you'll know that old FSJ isn't going away, just taking another shape. So maybe, one day, if you look real close, you'll recognize me again somewhere. As Tom Joad said, I'll be all around in the dark. As Tom Joad didn't say: Much love; namaste; peace out. --FSJ
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139 comments:
Namaste, FSJ. I greet the Buddha within you.
Thank you for the exceptionally jolly good time you gave us.
Can't believe you are forced to stop...
Frigging bastards.
Yours faithful,
Avatar DJ Flux (trying not to cry)
Our laughter wasn't fake.
Goodbye FSJ
say it ain't so! i'd long ago abandoned the Onion & Fox News in favor of this blog as my primary source of humor-injected real-world news. it's brought me untold joy & amusement, & i'll sincerely miss it.
was getting tired and repetitive anyway
FSJ: Perhaps you'll be reincarnated as a female presidential candidate who is equally candid and prolific (and funny) in her own online secret diary.
We can only hope.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
What the frig? El Jobso is really ditching the blog? Hope you'll be back one day. You were sharp. Maybe the sharpest. Much love, peace out.
Frigtard Lawyers !
Anyway, thanks for gifting us a new word. I shall endeavour to use it at every opportunity.
P.S.
Couldn't you keep on writing The Secret Diary of Cake Jeeves Tobs??!?
You've outshone them all. This is the only blog I've ever come back to frequently for a good laugh. It's been an excellent anti-reality distortion field.
Please give us a hint of where we can find you on your next assignment!
Oh God, I really hope you tell your lawyers to suck it and keep it going!
Hey, I had long ago accepted this blog as my primary source of real world news, period. I'll miss ya FSJ, you raving egomaniac genius. I'll have to content myself with Hilary's candid online thoughts now (no connection to you, of course). Whoever you are, you're a fine writer. Clinstones! It still makes me laugh.
Bill Gates,
Shortened Vista, Calif.
Nooooooooo......
just as people were coming to say
"did you read that on eff ess jay?"
sayonara he's gone
like sad mac we're alone
tell un-cringely from us "namaste"
Well, at least I'm 95% sure who you are now - I had my ideas but the timing of this makes it pretty clear. I'm really going to miss it, but I guess we'll hear from you in a different forum in a month or so!
FSJ, perhaps you can continue at the super-duper-secret diary? Until your next incarnation, we'll miss you.
One of the wittiest and smartest!
Thanks for the laughs FSJ.
We'll miss it.
just as people had started to say
"yeah, i saw it on eff ess jay"
sayonara he's gone
like sad mac we're alone
hear us murmur "not-steve, namaste"
Hmmm... FSJ ends his blog the same day that Windows Vista becomes available. The plot thickens...
Hi... I accidently found your blog. Love your words. But actually what attracted me was the image. I can translate it if you want~ It's sad to hear that you're going to stop this blog...
FSJ is my guru, my source of inspiration in an increasingly cold and crass world. Life won't be the same without you - you made a difference...and how many can truly say that.
Best wishes,
Andy Millman
That sucks. I just find this blog and now you have to close it down. Thanks for the laughs, and good luck in your next endeavor.
So long, Fteve. And thanks for the all the fake fish. Keep on writing.
You're a talented writer...but you already knew that...
and thus the new world order evolved.
Cheers, mate.
Jobso, we will never forget you
No no no! I refuse to relinquish my daily fix of news and humor with a twist. I laughed out loud over many blog items and can't imagine going to my favorite bookmark and having it empty. Your way with words was fab. frigtarded lawyers...
Hoping to find you in your next reincarnation.
Farewell FSJ
I sense a great disturbance in the RDF, like a thousand geeks saying "aw man!" at once.
Been reading you and making occasional comments since way back, Fake Steve. I remember the first hiatus like I remember the early comments by the dupes of this world, begging for FireWire in the iPod nano! Good times, but like all things the last laugh is always on you ... or us rather, before I start whistling.
Anyway, if RSJ wanted you gone, we wouldn't be seeing this. So I guess it's retirement. Fair enough, I'll keep the feed in Google Reader in case grand schemes should ever call for a comeback. What true greats have ever made do with just one?!
Cheers Fake Steve.
Do NOT stop writing! Even if not as FSJ, you have the gift. Damn, this reduces me to reading Bill Fitzhugh and Pearls before Swine for my shot of irreverence. Thank you for sharing your talent.
This just sucks!
Frozen Frigtards slouching
Cupertino orchard wanderer
Brite humor gone
Come to the Ashram FSJ, warm lentels, fresh goats milk
are here when we have our gopher schutzenfest among the herds
Catch you on the flip side
faithfully
the original Anon on the Ashram
Oh no, you're listening to your lawyers now. Must be real trouble ahead. I guess we should be happy you're not going to pull a Martha.
Seriously, though, this blog has been a work of genius. Humor, style and an incredible inside feel. FS made himself a member of the community in his own right and will be missed.
On the other hand, this has got to have been quite an effort, and probably interfered with your day job (running Apple Inc. of course *wink wink*).
When I read the "immitation is flattery" other fake blogs, I only realize just how good this one was.
Thank you.
Jobso thanks for all this time!.
Really, you are better that the real one :)
Steve, whatever it is, it's nothing York can't have fixed. I mean he had friggin Kerkorian disappear. Unleash him Steve, in his full fury. Good luck.
What is this! I told you I'm getting the EU on my hand. What happened, is Vista making you sad, like it will make every user.
What is going on in the USA, don't they see the sixties are back. Even Jane Fonda is back, and Bob Dylan. Next thing you now, the soldiers will be back. Next thing you now, you'll have free speech back.
Don't make us hate apple! Who is doing this to you ?
Is everybody supposed to shut up in the US ?
Is apple now runned by ayatollahs ?
I really hate this.
Hasta la Vista!
You'll be back!
He was perhaps the most real fake friend I've ever had. I shall miss him, unless of course this whole post is a fake,then I will have to reevaluate my feelings. I've never been so torn.
Dagnabbit! This is the best blog I've read in ages. Now how will I waste my time at work?
I agree with others... Frigtard Lawyers!!!
Namaste, FSJ
fffs..
now what am I gonna read every morning with my exactly 165 degree chai latte?
excuse me while I take out my frustration on some nobody subordinate.
Thanks for the insight and entertainment, FSJ.
Why is FSJ retiring on the day of Vista's release? Obviously he was actually Jim Allchin.
This and Daring Fireball are the only blogs I read regularly. Now I only have DF and Gruber will have two or three fewer posts per week now that Fake Steve is gone.
Bye, Steve (Jim). Thanks a bunch.
MAD CRAZY FUNKY LANGUAGE says:
It's a page from a magazine in Japanese, showing two guys in an outdoor bath of a typical public bath house. The caption says "Intel Mac generation's Mac and Windows selling co-operation/co-existance".
Hard to believe that the FSJ site will wither and die on the grapevine of my bookmarks. It died and was resurrected once before, so there's still hope ..............
It was too close to the real me, so I had to have my lawyers take FSJ down. I enjoyed reading it as well, but when you were writing my thoughts before I thought them, it got a little too Harold Crick and I had to shut the little bastard down. My wife loved it too.
SJ
dude, don't go. really, just don't.
Bummer. To journey with you, however briefly, has indeed been a reward. God you were THE sharpest tool in the shed (I use God as an exclamation rather than to address you ... just to be clear, though your incarnation here has indeed been godlike). As this avatar fades I wish you the very best and hope that somewhere, someday, you'll be googleable as the "real fakesteve". Sincere thanks and may the road rise with you.
Oh and thanks for the perfect caption to that last pic!
Gerry
el jobso is gone
fake steve jobs blog is no more...
where will I haiku?
NOOO!!!! Live without your humor!? Blasphemy! I shall miss you,...And pray you don't really stop.
Faithfully yours always,
RebelWriter
EL JOBSO, NO!!!
there'll be a second coming, right? RIGHT!?
So.
Farewell then
Fake Steve Jobs.
Inventor of the
Frigging iPod,
And the colour
White.
Your memory
Will live on forever
In my iPod Shuffle™
Until it bricks.
As they say in Beijing
"Saionara".
E.J. Thribb (age 30GB)
are u Al Gore?
a stone breaks the plane
the pond rippled with surprise
it pleased those who saw
goodbye FSJ
So once again you disappear, and I have to start looking for you all over again. Been there, done that, already. Just never got the FSJ t-shirt.
Just goes to show that you should have picked AMD. If you had, you could have made the case of supporting the underdog - the underdog with the better product at that time, and the better product to come again soon, that is - they would have loved you too much to shut you down.
Yes you will be missed, in a world of frigtards that doesn't know how to laugh any longer.
Silence falls at last
Winter's curtain hides our tears
No more F S J.
Signing off now from the People's Republic of Monte Carlo I remain,
--AMD FanBoi
ONE MORE POST PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!
We need to know:
Boxers or Briefs
Please do not leave this important question unanswered.
Love you !
Scott M
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Goodbye Jack Miller!
Does this mean AtAT will rise again?
AWWWWWWWW. I'll miss you Fake Steve.
brent, you big tease...
So sorry to see you go, although I was constantly amazed that you hadn't been shut down earlier. Friggin' lawyers!
Thanks for all the laughs.
Au revoir, as they say in Spain.
Namaste, El Jobso.
You will be missed.
so long, and thanks for all the iPods.
"nobody writes jokes in base 13" -- d.a.
Fake Steve, Your wise words will be sorely missed.
Peace out.
C'mon FS. Whodowegotta whack to get dis blog back. Just say da word and fughettaboutit.
Tony S.
let a girl know where your reincarnated blog will be... you have the best sense of humor ever. i love my ipod. namaste
"Domo arigato" is derived from Japanese actually and you spelt it wrong.
Its spelled Domo Arigatoo"
Namaste, FSJ.
Buena suerte, amigo!! (Good Luck, Friend!!)
Have a nice time.
Read you..
Looking forward to read from you.
Best regards,
silta
No, no no! No no no no no!
What will we have left? Just John Moltz, and, apparently, me. And I'm not even that funny.
Whoever made this happen is kicking Apple fans in the teeth.
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
Is there truly no free will in this world?
We'll miss you fsj
AwwwwwwwwwwwSheeeeeeeeeet.
I'll always love you, Mad Dog!
FSJ shut down
Thurrot, Enderle remain
Where is the justice?
There is no God any more.
aw christ. im thinking of canceling my broadband now.
I can't believe things still come to an end, even fake things. Thanks for the many fine laughs.
damn you world! damn you! why?!
Maybe this could be a fake goodbye, how sad to end your blog. Good luck with your future writings.
Oh no! Please, I just found you! Come to Canada; we put stupid lawyers in jail at the North Pole. Let them talk their way out of an Esquimo prison! At least leave a forwarding address! Maybe we can meet in Iceland?
NO FREAKIN WAY! This is SO not the zen thing to do FSJ- those who have a gift have a responsibility to share it with the world- and you DO have that gift of prose. PLEASE tell me you will continue it under some other pseudonym, as you became for me, like so many others, my primary source of news. Your sharp wit and deep references were the single bright, relief I allowed myself each day from the battle that is my life right now.
Even if you can not be FSJ, be ABC or Z4T, I don't care...
hmmmm....how about FSJ's guru? I doubt he has/believes in lawyers?! And then you could still comment on what your 'client' told you in a 'hallucinatory state in the sweat lodge';)
OR- what about move your blog to a server overseas?
OR- channel your posts through relakks.com (an anonymizer) we would all chip in fo rthe low fee to get you an account and it is untraceable no matter what lawyers 'thought' it was you writing, I like to think they still need PROOF.
...sigh...
I'm done crying and whining now. Be you and do what you need- thank you for what you have given, and I hope we'll meet again in the eUniverse again someday-
kah-leh phe,
dave@bend
closed down by lawyers: oh poop! but i just found this blog a week ago…
blogism will never be the same again!
FSJ you have been fresh air to the otherwise stale bloggery out there, thanks.
Remember lawyers hate everything (just check-out the way legal scripts are written), so, FSJ you were beautiful…but lawyers think beautiful things are offensive and must be stopped—funny, they're too late! your legend has already been established.
You should write a book, as you said.
bye!
Namaste... frigtard.
Damn, I just got the t-shirt! Maybe now it'll be a collectors item. Anyone want to buy it? Only $45,000. XL, Blue.
Anyone?
This blog was awesome.
Dear Steve,
Your blog has been an unusually pleasant and enlightened place, in keeping with the serene spirit that pervades all of your creations and OS X in particular. Not only is it sad to witness its sudden and unexpected end, the pangs of bidding farewell are being felt all the more keenly as you bow out in this most solemn, most moving of styles.
Knowing the insanely great amount of time devoured in the process of crafting palatable, coherent prose, I must respect your decision to call it quits. Rest assured that FSJ will live on in the memories of those fortunate enough in their wanderings across the barren wastelands of blogsphere to have stumbled upon this oasis of evolved debate, a veritable salon which you chaired as a merciless but just host, vigorously defending your turf, putting your finger where it hurts most.
It is, I think, fair to say that this blog lived as much through the cumulative wit of your faithful disciples as it did through your original posts. Allow me, therefore, to raise my glass to my fellow commenters, to wikipeepee, to Ashram, to Haiku, to all the rest of you! You have been great company for the past several weeks and will be missed just as sorely.
Until some other time, some other place, maybe. But I doubt it. FSJ was a rare pearl.
A reader in mourning
ciao, FSJ
you rang the bell a bunch of times
namaste back at you
Wow. I never thought you of all people would take the p-ssy way out.
Did we cower and run in the face of Tom Cruise and his Hubbardites from Scientology? F-ck no. We Sent them over a box of kitten blinkers and ran "Tom, Come Out of the Closet" anyway.
Dude. Seriously. Lame.
"Bike Helmet Girl" was better than "ManBearPig."
I'm super-cereal.
F-ck those lawyers in their ears, they are ball-less pricks.
Never give up, never surrender.
-trey
You became a prime source of news, entertainment and good old fashion gossip. Thanks for all of it. See you on the other side. Peace out.
CAn I still get a t-shirt????
ARRRRRRRGH! Not again!
WTF is up with the lawyers? Can't we have a little joy in our lives?
FSJ, I'll miss your blog tremendously. Maybe lightning will strike twice (or is it thrice?), and you can return to the blog-o-sphere unscathed.
I wish you well.
Fuck it. I just found this site today!
Faggin' dicks. You find some intelligent read and they want to have it closed.
Perhaps FSJ should come back as Tom Owens given that he is a completely fictional character, of course, and in no way represents the authors biological brother...
I do not see why you are quibbling about something so insignificant, but if you do at-least try to be accurate. it is not spelled "Domo Arigatoo". If you are trying to render an accurate romanization it would be "Domo Arigatou" since the last hiragana is a "u" not an "o". Completely different. ;-)
I just found your blog and love it. It's a shame you must rid yourself and the rest of us from it and the humor which it holds.
Aloha FSJ.
Or is there going to be One more thing...?
peace dude.
http://tomjoadsplace.blogspot.com/
This reads lots like Steve, err, Fake Steve.
But it all went so fast!
Something I've said to enough men by now.
But you, FSJ, you went by fast in the best possible sense ... meaning, sweetie, come frigtard us some more, anytime.
Love,
Zo
Abraham, Martin and John
(but with blogs!)
---
Every morning, coffee steaming
my first read
was fake steve's scheming
He's in Steve's head!
And quite a rake -
How could these inside views be fake?
The mock bravado resonated.
Each morning half the tech world waited
to read about the life of Steve.
But now it seems we're at the eve...
of what may be Fake Steve no more
we once were rich, we'll soon be poor.
First AtAT goes, now FSJ,
I think the Knife went out this way
Shooting stars that brightly burned.
Lit the earth,
streaked away,
their brilliance fades...
never...
to return.
To FSJ,
I have been a regular reader of your blog and will certainly miss it. My life will be somewhat less interesting as a result. Hmm maybe I'll have to upgrade to Vista and buy a Zune!
I think you've certainly entertained and inspired people with your blog.
If anything I feel that the bigshots in the Valley really benefited from it. It made them seem much more interesting and human.
Legal issues be damned it wouldn't surprise me if Larry or SJ occaisionally read your blog and had a chuckle.
But this is America and you really have to be careful about what you do.
Also from a techpoint of view I actually read it for information, and often went out and did more reading on a particular subject after reading about it here.
As the fanous engineer/racer Bruce Mclaren once said of a friend who died in auto racing accident.
"Yes I am sad my friend died but who is not to say that in the few years that he lived that he did not do more than most people in a lifetime. I do not measure life in years alone I measure it in achievement."
From the standpoint of achievement I think this blog had a great life. Of course Bruce Mclaren died testing a Can Am prototype at Lemans.
I suppose as in all good stories this blog too must end.
Maybe you can be reincarted as fake Bill? :-P
I shall wear a humorous t-shirt in your honor. Much love.
FSJ: if the journey is the reward, your blog did indeed reached its goal as it was the faithful companion of many readers. I'm just sorry we won't be hearing no more about the craptacular shortcomings of Uncle Fester, Squirrel boy, Larry I'm not God Ellison and the others. For me, it was the first thing on my daily agenda along with a venti latte.
Stay hungry, stay foolish.
God Speed sir
I'm really very like your site.I hope your site will be better an better.
my site
http://www.fabuwow.com
魔兽私服，魔兽世界私服
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Please don't do this....
hehe quite ammusing. i am a first time reader
Alright, Brussels here again. I talked to my lawyers about this and here is the solution. Change the blog name to «Not Fake SJ».
1° If you are NOT [FAKE SJ] then you are actually not referering to SJ, but to (Fake SJ.)
2° If you are [NOT FAKE] SJ, then you are a Fake[anyone].
I also talked to some Army people here, and they are not hostile to the idea, that if Americas democracy is under threat it is not inconcievable that we may invade and bring democracy back to the US. (well it has been some time don't you think.) Laughable ? Oh yeah, but WE DO HAVE a plan to win the hearts and the minds. We invented Belgian Chocolates remember! And the saxophone! Before we invade we will boycot export of our Chocolates and impose restrictions on the use of saxes.
Just say the word.
denpassar@mac.com
hey found ur blog accidently then started readin it quite regularly. i will certainly miss it.
thank you - been a hugely brilliant read the last months, an anitdote to MacDementia for an ardent addict...
sad that said lawyers are still sufferin from the above.
*aaaiieee* back to a diet of lo-fat appleinsider & think sprinklets in the AM, i guess...
One more thing?
Pleeeeeeeeaseeeeee...
We need more boom.
So Stephen Kolbert calls...
How doth my mind
With wit encumbered
Stumble through so grave a contest?
With no words spoken
And rules unwritten,
With prize unknown until you’ve lost.
Our destination
Makes us common,
Unreal you and saddened I,
To touch, to smell
And soon unscramble
The mystery of desire.
no great loss . . . ceased being funny about the time that whole 'bike helmet girl / a*al sex' crap took over. . .
oh noes! o.O
Someone once said "The question is not how we will die, it is how we will live"
Hence: The question isn't how the blog died, it is how it lived!
It will live on. In reincarnation I hope to find you once more.
I found this treasure today, and already it is taken from me.
Namaste.
Was busy with Germans. They understand the situation and will put some preliminary pressure from their side. Had to cool the guys about the invasion plans. Want to get the Belgian Chocolates first on the budget. Must dash now, Italy seems interested.
MUNICH, Germany (CNN) -- Arrest warrants have been issued for 13 suspected CIA agents in connection with the alleged kidnapping of a German citizen of Lebanese descent in Afghanistan.
Namaste! I hope you realize how talented you are, you definitely need to keep writing, like make a book or something.
And for the record, I'm keeping the blog feed in my reader, just in case. Thanks for the fun times,
Thanks FSJ Truly, truly will miss the blog!
If you are trying to render an accurate romanization it would be "Domo Arigatou" since the last hiragana is a "u" not an "o".
---
YOU'RE BOTH WRONG
It's actually doumo arigatou
Long vowels on both those O's. And there's no capitalization in Japanese.
hey, check out angry anonymous frigtard 6.26 post, who doesn't want anal sex, and doesn't like bike helmet girl, yet apparently kept reading the blog. Must be Norwegian, or from the Grand Duchy of Lichtenstein.
I've discovered FSJ's new form:
topsecrethillary.blogspot.com.
I swear that's our boy.
Trey,
Send me email. I will explain all.
Namaste.
One Sun is setting,
From highest sky of humour.
Will miss F S J!
all the best from .ie
-FMC
Ps never underestimate the power of the Schwartz!
Very nice, too bad I stumbled upon this in its dying woes.
I applaud you for your hilarious work.
Farewell
--343
dkghdggdg
Cool, Trey Parker's calling now too. Perhaps a job for FSJ writing scripts for SP? That is unless it's fake Trey...
*Starts counting on fingers just how many levels of fake we could be at now*
Nooooooooo! Will be doing a yoga inversion pose until this changes.
Frankly, had never heard of your blog until you started getting massive coverage now that you've decided to close it. Can't believe that Mr Jobs would do this if it wasn't for the suits - he's a great guy and has a fantastic sense of humour. I'm sure that a lawyer put him up to this. My advice: carry on regardless. What's the worst that could happen? They could take all your money and send you to prison? Pah! Think of your Founding Fathers. What would Jefferson have done? Thomas Paine? [Fade up: America the Beautiful] You owe it to America to continue your work, regardless of the consequences for you personally. Go to it man!
Good luck, and greetings from England btw.
Andrew
Newbury, UK
This calls for a "Free Fake Steve!"
protest shirt.
Fire up cafepress again.