You've probably heard about this but just in case you haven't, see the press release here. Beastmaster Bill and I will participate in an "unrehearsed, unscripted, onstage conversation" with Walt Goatberg and his DATY sidekick whose name escapes me. This will happen next week at Goatberg's conference. As you also probably know, I never go anywhere "unrehearsed and unscripted." We're going to be practicing all weekend, using Guy Kawasaki as a stand-in for Bill, Steve Dowling as Walt and Katie Cotton as the sidekick.
We're not taking this lightly. Bill makes sucky software but he's a crafty opponent in a debate. So I'm looking for input. I'd like to enlist the help of the "community." What questions should I ask the Beastmaster when we get onstage?
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Re: this upcoming historic joint appearance
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47 comments:
"How come you are a hundred times richer than I?"
1) Is the OLPC program solving a crisis or creating one. If you must hand crank the laptops to power them - how many calories is that burning and how much more in "food aid" will we have to send to poor countries that receive the laptops once they start playing "Unreal Tournament".
2) Why no "Fake Bill" blogs?
3)Boxers, Briefs, Commando?
Dear Bill,
is Ballmer a Microsoft error/product as well, or was he such a screw-up from birth?
Either way, how many people in your marketing/PR dept. work 24/7 trying to recover Microsoft from his 'stage presence'?
Bill, would you like us to take over your OS devision? Some of our redundant codes for Leopard is ready to make the first service pack for Windows Vista.
Let's make the world better by letting Apple to code the worlds' desktop OS. Concentrate on your Safari-incompatible Live services and Office 2008, that's where your boys expertise lies in.
"Do you feel like Microsoft's ideas have fundamentally improved the experience of the typical PC user?"
It'd be interesting to see if he tries to take credit for things like the GUI and all the DEC-inspired technology behind Windows.
Additionally:
"Do you think uprooting everything your company has done and starting over is ever called for, or do you see it as a sign of weakness?"
Can I borrow 20b ?
So.. because you invented the ipod you name drop ALL the time and think you're super cool and worthy of major adoration? Get a life dude. Wherever you go when you die, there won't be any ipods!
So, exactly how did my friend, Guy Kawasaki, end up having to play the part of Beastmaster Bill.
Guy, did you draw the short straw, or get the short end of the stick?
Dag when I saw joint appearance I thought you'd gotten some indo from Larry. Love, Fake Janice Combs, mother of Diddy
http://fakejanicecombs.blogspot.com/2007/05/free-fake-steve-jobs-thong.html
What exactly is a zune?
Are you sure you are lying?
@FSJ
You have already met Bill Gates at the conference, dude. It was already done a long time ago. (That piece of news is from Feb 20.)
Shame it wasn't reported what you guys asked each other though.
Could you tell us if you remember some things from the conference? (Though since you seem to have forgotten the conference itself, I don't think there is much chance of that.)
One of his sidekicks is John Paczkowski... but you wouldn't know about him, would you?
Bill,
If you had it to do over again, would you still snuff Netscape?
Is John Paczkowski going to be there?
He's pretty smart, almost as smart as you are.
And handsome.
1 - So, Bill - how's that brown Zune color working out for you?
2 - C'mon Bill - wear the gray suit and the tie, pleeeeeease? No, seriously, I promise we won't use your likeness in a TV ad.
3 - So, Bill...I read somewhere that Microsoft is the new IBM. Ironic, isn't it? You've always been soooo proud of outsmarting them on the MS-DOS deal. Now you're them. Wonder who'll outsmart YOU now (*cough* Google *cough* us *cough* the whole industry)?
4 - Hey, Bill - how about if you get Paul A. to fund one of Woz's wacko ideas? Your old #2 can fund my old #2 to make some new #2. Get it?
Ok, challenge him to arm wrestle for paychecks. Then let him win and after a 2 minute celebration involving white guy fist pumps and awkward "raising the roofs" over and over again, hand him over your $1 paycheck from Apple and tell him "make sure you don't spend it all in one place"...that would be cool.
Questions?
"What's the deal with Balmer?"
"What's the deal with the Zune?"
"How much are you benching now days?"
Cancel or Allow?
was it melinda or your man-crush, warren buffett, who told you that lavender was a power color??
"How do you spell 'Chrysanthemums'?"
How do you think your role in China as Chairman Bill (see Wired.com) and your massive donations to the 'poor chinese' are going to help the US economy & people? Is it mere stupidity or just the typical Microsoft-approach of unconrolled greed ?
Ask the f****r whether his childhood traumas made him how he is or if it's just natural to him.
"Can you recommend a good attorney?"
Blindside him, man. Ask him what he's going to do about Iraq. I've seen a lot of debates lately, and nobody can handle that zinger.
Steve: "Hey Bill, do you speak latin?" "If so, tell me what you think this means: otal-tay icrotard-may"
"Should I avoid mentioning anything about the Mac so as not to upset your fragile emotions? Wouldn't want you to storm out or anything."
"Hi Bill,
If the US Government really thought Microsoft's monopoly was such a problem, couldn't they have done a lot more harm by banning Microsoft products from the Federal sector (at least the Executive Branch) than by an anti-trust suit?
That is, wouldn't an outright boycott by the Feds have killed Microsoft outright?"
Beastmaster Bill, what color is your iPod?
This really wasn't me. Steve is co out of it--he didn't realize it was Jackie Chan standing in for Bill.
Guy
"You have already met Bill Gates at the conference, dude. It was already done a long time ago. (That piece of news is from Feb 20.)"
Hey, "cool 'n' casual". Why don't you try reading a few sentences *past* the actual dateline of the press release? You'll get better results.
Hey cool 'n' casual (or as your buds call you, dumbass), the conference is next week, as in May 30th.
Put down the bong and learn to read, dumbass.
Pssst...Bill...I know you never got the whole Web thing, so I'm gonna get you in on the next big thing...telepathic interface. Forget keyboards and mice. But you didn't hear it from me...
fuck it, have woz whack him in the face with a pie and call it done. what a massive pussy...
See if you can get as many people as possible to wear "free steve" shirts to the "d" conference....
Was the re-up on the contract with Satan that expensive or did you really think Vista could sell itself.
Don't ask anything. Take an iPhone in your pocket, have somebody call you during the speech, take the call, and hand him the iPhone. "Here, Bill, it's for you." ;)
ask him:
Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?
"Hey, Bill, I thought I should give you a heads up that we're doing a feature film now based on the Mac vs. PC ads. John Hodgman will be reprising his role as you. Anyway, have a good debate, and don't forget to smile!"
Have you ever taken LSD Bill?
-Hi, I'm a Mac.
-Cut that out!
So Bill, do you think penis enlargement is a worthy form of cosmetic surgery?
What's it like to make a living producing shit?
As one of the richest men in the world, why can't you afford a hair stylist that can make you look like "the worlds richest man who couldn't get laid in a whorehouse if he was pushing a wheelbarrow full of fifties?"
Bill, are you lying or stupid?
word, smack. rest in peace dick vernon...
From a national debate top 40 competitor,
Lead him into a trap, like trcking him to talk about the (cough) Zune (cough) eh??
So Bill, what is your favorite MS "innovation"???
Dozens of comments, and not a one yet from that politically correct moron who thinks that the word "vindaloo" is racist and that holocaust denial and doubts about global warming are equivalent?
Well, I'll be his proxy: How can you be such a misogynist and say DATY?
Hey, wait a minute. Isn't that Australian slang? Fake Steve is Australian!
So this is going to be the *real* "I'm a Mac/PC" commercial? Crank up your video editors, folks, YouTube is waiting.
yer gonna trounce him. just have katie and jon ive in the wings with mops to wipe the floor when you're done.
but i'm with phormic — but instead of asking it, let him experience it. dose his evian bottle with some windowpane acid prior to the summit. sit back. enjoy the show.
@OS XI, what is this webpage about then:
http://www.trappedbydogma.com/blog/steve-jobs-and-bill-gates-rare-public-appearance-together-photos/
Is it Photoshopped or something? Doesn't look so to me.
@FSJ, any thoughts on this?
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