By now you've probably seen reports like this one about the supposed cutbacks in iPhone production. It's hurting our stock today, which is never a good thing. But hear me out. The reports are true. We're cutting back production from 9 million units to 4.5 million units. It was my call, and let me explain why I made it. iPhone is getting way too popular. The wrong kind of people are buying them. Every fad-crazy idiot in America is getting one. (See photo above.) But the whole point of iPhone -- of all our products, really -- is to offer a product that not everyone can have. A product that makes you different, and unique, and special. A product that makes you smarter and, well, better than other people. Can't do that if everyone has one, right?
We figured we could keep things under control using our usual overpricing strategy. Who in their right mind was going to shell out 600 bucks for a friggin phone, right? Especially if it lacks all sorts of features that people really want. Just to be doubly sure we put it on the AT&T network and gave it an unbearably slow wireless connection so that Web browsing is practically impossible. Well, much to our amazement, it turns out there are just loads and loads of people willing to spend 600 bucks on a feature-lite phone as long as it has one crucial feature, which is our Apple logo on the outside. Who knew?
Well, demand is just so strong that I've had to slam on the brakes before things get out of control. Apple faithful, listen up. There is nothing to worry about. Honestly. iPhone, like all our products, including Apple TV, is a huge super dooper smash hit. Too big, actually. That's why we're cutting back production. Make sense? Of course it does. And hardly anybody is returning them. Seriously. There really are not a lot of people who bought one just because all their friends were getting them and they just wanted to check it out and now are returning them because the novelty wore off and the call quality kind of sucks and the keyboard blows and they already have an iPod and they like their BlackBerry better for email. Okay? That's really not happening. I mean it. Peace out.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
iPhone is getting way too popular
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13 comments:
The lord always has grand plan for us worshippers
We must not doubt the reasons for halting production of the Jesus Phone and simply accept it on faith.
Sad to say, I have returned mine. I had four defective iPhones in a row, and I couldn't keep exchanging them for new ones.
I even waited in line.
That's a stinkin' Mac user if I ever saw one. Stop whining, FSJ. He actually looks pretty tame compared to those iTards I see lurking around AT&T stores, or Mac retail outlets. Sheesh, how can one person be so pissy about money magnets in his pocket.
Hey FSJ - surely it's because you'll be bringing out the V2 iPhone just after Christmas, right? Keep the V1 numbers ticking over with a few news-worthy SW updates (adding Exchange support, cut and paste, whatever else they've been whingeing about), then - Boom! - you cannibalise the V1 iPhone with the V2. It's where the puck will be.
The returns had nothing to do with eBay / Craigslist flippers getting their butts handed to them by the availability either.
Curious though. I heard 10 million on track for the "end of the calendar year" according to the stock conference call.
Doesn't seem to add up (personally I thought the goal was 10 million by July 2008 not - the end of the year initially - but I replayed that part of the call and the forecast was still there).
That guy is way too excited about owning an iPhone.
How about setting up a screening process at Apple stores to make sure no iTards end up owning them.
Let me ask you some things about this iPhone...
Could I just decide I want to keep my wireline and I want to add wireless to it? Can I have two providers on the same number? Is it coming? Why shouldn't I be able to say, just by a little switch on my phone at home that's wired, I'm going off on the wireless now, I want to use this as I ride my motorcycle.
@mgabrys:
The sales target was always and continues to be 10 million iPhones by the end of calendar 2008.
Because it was an earnings conference call, Oppenheimer wanted to be clear that he was NOT discussing Apple's fiscal year 2008.
Who the fuck are you and what have you done with FakeSteve?
Is the Real FakeSteve on vacation so he had to have idiot fucktard fill in for him?
"Feature lite?" - WTF? It's a computer, running a commercial operating system. You add features by - are you ready for this? - installing new software.
What happened doode - did your rebellious mac-hating teenage nephew come be the jobs mansion and log in as you to post that shit?
that last paragraph (er, run-on sentence) is one of the all-time fsj best:
"There really are not a lot of people who bought one just because all their friends were getting them and they just wanted to check it out and now are returning them because the novelty wore off and the call quality kind of sucks and the keyboard blows and they already have an iPod and they like their BlackBerry better for email. Okay? That's really not happening. I mean it. Peace out."
hilarious.
I also think the numbers have been scaled back to ensure just the right amount of people get version 2. Apple does their math, that's for sure.
Is that a picture of Ed?
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