Ain't he a beauty? Meet Simon P. Jobs, produced via IVF in a lab at Stanford using my sperm and -- here's the big breakthrough -- an egg that was also produced by me. First time this has been successfully pulled off anywhere. Thing is, as I've said recently, I am immortal. But just in case anything should happen I think it's good to have an heir waiting in the wings. And, no disrespect to Mrs. Jobs, because she's very smart and beautiful, but she doesn't have the Jobs genes, and if anyone else is ever going to take over this company I think they need to be one hundred percent Jobso. Docs managed to insert a transplanted ovary into my abdomen and gave me hormones -- remember for a while last year I didn't a beard, and people were wondering why? -- and then harvested the eggs I produced. Whisked them into a petri dish with some of my uber-gravy (which for the record the docs said was unlike anything they'd ever seen before; really strong swimmers and lots of them) and voila, Simon P. sprang to life.
He'll be raised at Apple, in a secret environment where he'll be exposed to a completely accurate copy of the real world. If I live forever, as I plan to do, well, fine. Simon P. has the easiest job in the world, just hanging out in his hermetically sealed environment, going to the gym and getting laid and having people tell him how brilliant he is -- in other words the same life as Sergey Brin. If anything does happen to me, the boy prince takes over. I don't care if he's only three years old. He's in charge. This is all in my contract and can't be revoked. Might be a rough patch in the years before he learns to read, but trust me, once he comes of age and those Jobso genes kick in, this kid will be taking over the planet.
For the real story, see here
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Our latest attempt at a lab-produced Jobs clone
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29 comments:
Lol. Wow. I loved the comments on what are the chances he could be a linux geek. But that explanation.... Wow. It's like something out of a really bad B Sci-fi movie. Though it would be interesting to see Apple run by a three year old (in a very hypothetical way).
ewww, jobso produced an egg...
Un-be-lievable.
Lol
Emad =P
I've heard about this. It's Jarod, right? And he's a Pretender too, right? And every week there'll be an adventure, right? :D
Can't believe this, FSJ now into cloning with super sci-fi brainiac stuff ha. This dude rocks.
Why don't you let Woz run the company for a while to test that brilliant-three-year-old-running-the-company theory?
(whoops - did I say that out loud?)
Ain't this how they made Kim Jung Il?
Ain't this how they made Kim Jung Il?
Ain't this how they made Kim Jung Il?
You say it's your latest attempt. Would you care to tell us whatever happened to the previous attempts?
FSJ, you're back! I believe again, I believe!
There's nothing fake in this life, except perhaps this blog! LOL :-)
Then again, it's hard to see the right way up!
Awww, how adorable. You gots your own Mini Me.
This kid has the mark of the applebeast, it a sign of the end of the world as we know. By 2012 Steve Lucifer Jobs will be in control of most of our house electronics and will dictate what people can or cannot buy...
Will be apple shit all over! AHHHHHH!!!!!
what a nightmare!!
And the people of Cupertino were fruitful, and increased abundantly, and multiplied, and became exceedingly mighty; and the land was filled with them. And there arose up a new king over Redmond, who knew not Jobso.
And he said to his people, Behold, the people of the children of Cupertino are more and mightier than we; Come on, let us deal wisely with them; before they multiply, and if there would be any war, they should join our enemies, and fight against us; and so get them out of the land.
Therefore they did set over them taskmasters to afflict them with their burdens, such as Windows-based versions of Word and Excel.
But the more they afflicted the Children of Cupertino, the more the Children multiplied and grew. And they were mortified.
And the king of Redmond spoke to the developers (developers developers developers), and he said, When you developer for cell phones, and see the phones upon the display cases, if it is an iPhone, then you shall kill it; but if it is not, then it shall live.
But the developers feared Jobso, and did not as the king of Redmond commanded them.
And there went a man of the house of Jon Ive, and took for his wife a daughter of Ive. And the woman conceived, and bore a son; and when she saw that he was a handsome child with the mark of the Jobso, she hid him three months in the wastelands of You Tube.
I'd like to nominate this as one of FSJ's Greatest Hits. Freakin' Hysterical!
Congrats on the new addition to the Jobs family BTW!
Maybe this Jobs incarnation will finally grant us the middle-range Mac tower we masses are clamoring for.
What was his first word? "Boom!"?
what's the codename?
i?
iMe?
Dude.
I would have been your surrogate. You just had to ask.
Jeez, I never realized Apple was so technologically backward. I thought they'd simply be able to clone you from your beard clippings.
But forget about posterity. Just you worry about the security of your users:
As Mac's numbers creep up to 30% or 40%, cyber-criminals will start asking whether it's better to spend two weeks writing a bug for Windows or just a couple days to write one for Macs.
Miller Interview
Steve Jobs and "Boom!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8L39UwOS-Y
I don't know how to tell you this El Jobso.... but as forward looking as the original mac was, it needed a hard drive and memory and slots.. things that only happened after you were ummm... well... you know... scullied.
(Of course the company got scullied too... including licensing the whole Mac UI to Redmond just for renewing Applesoft. And ridiculous margins that kept people in DOS.)
So how about when he learns to read , you give him a small team to invent the next big thing. But YOU stick around for some adult superivision. Then maybe kick him out and let him experience the wilderness.
Cuz your second tenure at Apple is actually a lot better than your first.
Sorry, FSJ, but with this entry, you really "laid an egg".
Yuck.
three little words, fakey-steve-o: all about eve.
you may have just sewed the seeds of your own demise — literally. well, in a test tube, at least.
you think li'l' simon is gonna be content waiting in the wings and running lattes into you while you remain the immortal man-god in power? i say, from this day forward, watch yer back. 'specially when li'l damien is around.
as they said at the end of "rosemary's baby": he has his father's eyes.
... Simon P. has the easiest job in the world, just hanging out in his hermetically sealed environment, going to the gym and getting laid and having people tell him how brilliant he is ...
on second thought, scratch my previous comment. this story sound remarkably like a modern day prince siddharta (no, frigtards, not herman hesse's bastardization, the real one). in which case, again, watch out. even in the perfect world, hermetically sealed environment, he'll still experience dukkha (look it up) and be paying an apple charioteer to take him out to the sf club night life where he'll start to view the three marks amongst the fading yelptards...
could you be raising the next digital maitreya?? now i don't know which is scarier.
FS Jobso,
If clone Jobso takes over any time soon, you wouldn't need the "child-like" part of "child-like wonder", wouldja? Sorta makes you think...
Didn't you ever watch "The Boys from Brazil"? You need to get him adopted by people just like your adoptive parents, so he develops the same personality. That way he won't be just a copy, but an original for the twenty-first century. Keep that in mind for the next batch.
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