Sorry, but it's true. We baited you in with a high price (the one thing no Apple fanboy can resist) and sure enough you fell for it just like we knew you would. But hey, you iTards were the ones lining up and camping out for a week to get a phone even though there was no shortage of them. You were the ones raving about what a bargain the phone was at $600 and how you'd gladly have paid more. Who can blame us for taking advantage of you? Anyway, please consider something: This price cut is actually all your fault. If more of you had purchased these things at the $600 price point, we wouldn't need to mark them down, would we? Come on, Apple faithful. Think. You let us down big time on this one. Not as badly as you've let us down on Apple TV, but still. We put a mass market luxury product out there, with innovative user interface technology and more hype than the friggin first man on the moon, and still you failed to come through for us. Now you're whining about a rebate? Or a free copy of Leopard? At this point I'm not sure you deserve Leopard, not at any price.
Anyway, it's been a pretty good week. We're screwing everyone in sight. We screwed you. We screwed AT&T. We screwed NBC. Man oh man. I feel like Ron Jeremy. Or is it Bill Gates? If we make it to the end of this week without angry picketers chanting outside our campus I'll be shocked. Peace out, suckas. (Photo by Jozef Merkin, courtesy of Cosmopolitan.)
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Dear early iPhone adopters: Yeah, we fucked you
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70 comments:
FSJ - this made me laugh - but I still feel violated by you...
Oh, dude!
Santa is so, not coming to your house this year! LOL
BTW, did you notice that the loudest venting has come from folks for whom the iPhone may well be their first Apple experience?
Me? Frig! I'm still looking for some cash back on the $3,000 I shelled out for the original Mac, two 300kb (yeah, that's not a misprint) floppy drives, and the ImageWriter LW, along with another $300 for the "airline" case for bringing it along with me "back in the day". What, two months later you had me shelling out $500 for the 512k upgrade, then another $1,000 for the MacPlus upgrade a few months after that.
Hey, if you're gonna do Apple, expect Apple to do you at some point. That's the price you will always pay for products for The Rest of Us. $200 bucks? Please! Most people bitchin' probably spend that in a month between text message overages, cable and Starbucks (there's a reason Starbucks ticker symbol is SBUX, folks), so come on, get real as Ghandi used to say in Saudi Arabia.
best post of the day
Oh yes...brings back the good ole days when an 8MB (mega, not gigabyte) upgrade for an SE/30 was only $1,200.......think I can get a rebate for the difference?
Awesomely appropriate picture of Jobso with the porn star moustache. Check out the look on his face. Looks like he just "finished". Unfortunately it was all over me. (Early iPhone buyer.) Bastard! I feel so cheap and used...
Daring Fireball made a good point - if you thought you were getting ripped off by buying a $600 iPhone, why'd you buy one? Or to put it another way: you wanted it then, so you bought it then, for whatever the asking price.
Anyone check the M$ message boards to see how many people are pissed off because the Zune they purchased last week is now worth $50 less than they paid for it?
Ya Blood...go for the jugular. Not the time for a wimpy—please the frigtards.
You have the celltards confused, the movie-milkers nosing each other out frenzied to find the full teet; The music faux-moguls—do we need to go there?
No rest, no mercy; beat-em harder when the're down. Lord knows they would do the same to you. Like they could think their way out of a figgin' box. So "Art Of War"… fun to observe the master.
What happened to the mo' Steve?
So Fake Steve,
I went to see the Doctor for my butt pain, he said you must have bought an iPhone the first day! I said yes but the pain is from getting raped by an elephant! So he says, that's impossible, Elephant's schlong is long and thin, it's not so wide to cause this massive hole, so I said "it fingered me first!"
-------------
Although saving $200 clams would have been nice, it got me laid the second day I had it... I think I made out! Thanks Stevie.
hahaha! Great article Steve. If that's your *real* name. I linked to it in my blog today.
-Walt
www.basilweb.net
This blog is hilarious and informative..
Peace,
MG
That isn't screwing anyone over FSJ. That's just business as usual in tech. For you folks that plunked down $600 for an 8GB iPhone and are snivelling now, guess what? You didn't think they were going to go up in price did you? Get over your childish moaning that the next guy is going to get to buy it cheaper. You weren't going to get any money back either way, and you knew you weren't going to get the money back.
So stop trying to drag other people into your misery by bitching. jealoTards.
she was on the street
so beautiful and alone
then the convention
---
once a Goddess
she'll hang out in Wal-Mart aisles
dirty iPhone whore!
seriously folks, i want apple to succeed more than the next guy. however, screwing your brethren is NEVER a smart move. I don't think this is over and I expect some sort of retribution. For example, iphone firmware 1.1 would be nice right about now steve...
yea, Grace Bedell wrote, you mean,
in a letter from the past:
if you let your whiskers grow I will try and get the rest of them to vote for you you would look a great deal better for your face is so thin. All the ladies like whiskers and they would tease their husbands to vote for you and then you would be President. My father is going to vote for you and if I was a man I would vote for you to but I will try to get every one to vote for you that I can I think
Of course, the to-be president answered:
As to the whiskers, having never worn any, do you not think people would call it a piece of silly affectation if I were to begin it now?
Your very sincere well wisher
A. Lincoln
Dear Steve,
Blow Me.
Sincerely,
Trip Hawkings
To anon 6 pm:
Yes, and y'know what? At least the people who paid $600 for an iPhone have an iPhone. Those folks on the MS board paid $50 over the current price and they got stuck with a Zune.
I heard Apple might compensate early iPhone adopters with 202 free ringtones (worth $199.98), to be used on songs they already own...
The early adopter's lament! The shock this time was how quickly we all got screwed......
Just a little reach-around? Please?
My problem with the 399 iphones isnt that I paid 599 for mine. My problem is that now the rabble will buy it, AND people will think I only paid 399 for mine. If they spraypainted "cheapass" on the 399 ones that would be one thing but not distinguishing the early more expensive ones destroys my iphones ability to function as a status symbol.
So funny and yet so sad. I would call you on this pice of crap iPhone, but I can't hear on it becaues the volume is as bad as your marketing, or err um I mean that your , oh never mine. I feel better now that I can talk about Google more and screw that fact that I bought an Apple IIe and the first Mac in town. No Mas, I see the light. Loylty is not worth crap., then again I got to run and check out what oing on over a Google now. I heard that they have an iPhone killer comnig out real soon, well you know reall soon in Apple Time anyway. :) Chers...
Actually, my friend and I just finished talking about the iphone people lined up at the store. Before I read Mr. Job's comments concerning the price drop, I had said the same things he said to my friend. What are these people thinking? Also, I'm glad AT&T got screwed, Mr. Jobs. They deserve it!
You very bad man!
Like wow. The phone being cheaper is no surprise at all. Was wanting the Yellow Submarine iPod rather a whole lot.
Work on that. Want me to talk to Starkey?
An Apple Vet
Now I remember why I keep a jar of KY by the bed.
I'll admit. It was like a kick to the crotch when I heard about the price cut, but since it was by Apple, it was, although very painful to the point that I vomited blood, also slighty arousing.
Hey Steve- may your nose grow another two inches
and all of the remaining hair on your head fall out......
That two hundred bucks sure could've bought a lot of Astroglide to make taking it up the ass a little more tolerable.
But since that load is already blown, how about at least giving a guy the reach around?
I have one word for this: siooma.
Have you heard of it?
FSJ - you rock my socks.
How quickly the early adopters forget.
Remember when you got applauded by that long line of semi-photogenic people in uniform as you entered, purchased iphone, and exited?
First time it had ever happened to you, and it felt pretty good, hey?
Like everything in life it turns out there is always a price to pay.
This time it was $200 for an experience you'll never be able to repeat.
Until next time.
We're all consenting adults here. Quit acting like Apple is the greasy old man down the street selling ice cream cones to children from the back of his utility van.
It's more like having sex on the first date and not getting a phone call the next day. Time to move on.
Now if I could just grow a mustache like that, damn!
Whenever you buy a tech product you know that:
a) It's already obsolete and something better is already being planned (Microsoft have forgotten the 'better' part of this...)
b) The price will come down, or you'll get more bang for your buck soon.
Thing is, I don't think people expected 'soon' to be er, so soon with the iPhone and that's what hurts.
I'm a Euro living in Europe (which is north of Canada, as you know) so the price-cuts are great as far as I'm concerned - I just feel sorry for your early adopters. You've treated them like used tissues. I'm not going to say what you used the tissues for - this is a family publication, after all.
We all thought you'd grown out of that, we really did - lying to people and overcharging them like you did in the 80s.
But once a mustache wearer, always a mustache wearer, so it seems. Maybe you shaved it off, but its astral pattern is still resonating on your top lip.
Whatever the case, your karmic life-energy is really messed up after pulling such a move. I recommend that you hire out the Moscone centre again and personally 'service' each one of your early adopters.
Don't worry, they'll come - no pun intended - we all know that they love to queue. Just pucker up El Jobso, think of the karmic healing and of the purifying white healing energies that are headed straight for you.
Fine - RETURN FIRE!
Here's a lil' tip. Telco's hate the idea they "might" lose customers. They stand to lose far more than 200 bucks if people start bailing on their 2 year contracts.
So, do what I did. Call AT&T and ask for a credit to your account. I got 75.00 in instant credit PLUS 500 rollover minutes. About 100 bucks worth of gracis from Apple's partner's pockets (depending on how you want to dice and slice the value of minutes - but at 450 minutes at peak-rate - 500's not bad)
Now this isn't an official deal and it's on an individual basis so you have to take your chances.
Still I'm sure AT&T is going to be sending some lover letters to Cuppertino soon.
Of course many decent credit cards also offer 90 days buyer protection. Oops - was that iPhone only 66 days old? Oh NOSIES! Looks like Visa / Amex / MC / Discover might have some feedback coming Apple's way too.
And lastly even if the Apple store wants to hit you with a restocking fee, making them squirm in person within 14 days for mucho more bucks is also fun.
Lastly, once you unlock your iPhone with not one but TWO software solutions - you can always recoup those losses auctioning your "myPhone" on eBay. Naturally, Apple AND AT&T would love you to pieces if you did that. Because if it's marketshare for dollars Apple is playing for on subscription revenue - those dollars heading to T-Mobile will certainly make their day.
Have fun!
Thanks Steve for feeding my beautiful objects addiction and making me laugh everyday! x
Gates and Ballmer are more pissed off then anyone else.
It's now impossible to compete?
what is this shit? It's COMMON BUSINESS to make drop prices. First sales revenue must not only pay manufacturing and distribution you know? It must pay the two / three years of hard work in R&D. How are you gonna pay for that, except from the sales, big fucking genius?
Stop whining. You seem like a child. Boo hoo they cheated me boo hoo. Come on! Everybody knew it was overpriced so they could cover the expenses of the technology research . EVERYBODY does that. Sony did that with PS3, Microsoft did that with Xbox, most phones did that.
So calm the fuck down and stop FUDDING and spreading lies on the internet. I thought this was trying to get inside steve jobs head. I'm no fan of him, but I know better. You should know better too. Instead you end up in the newstards line.
Pathetic.
your post is very usefull....
xruvux
You're gonna do it again. I feel it. I won't buy an iPhone until the price falls another two hundred dollars, which it will.
Do not worry guys.
The new upgraded $600 Iphone is coming.
Better to smart up than to dumb down.
Put your best in the down slot and you better in the coming up slot.
You really hit your stride with this one, FSJ!!
Best yet!!
oh, yeah, like I'm not wicked pissed that I bought a non-color-screen iPod right before they were upgraded to all color screens? I dealt with it, and it still works great. Plays music too.
FSJ,
As a double iPhone house, we have been mega-hosed and now feel so violated that we'll never be able to squeek out an audible fart again.
Hosed in Cambria
hooray for 14-day price guarantees, and not buying something the day it comes out. i'm one of the few lucky ones.
Exactly. I plan on buying the current iPhone once the telepathic-capable iPhone Glasses are unveiled. Those would be great!
Punished for being an early supporter,,, ouch... i definitely feel like a 2 bit whore! Guess I'll just charge it to the game...
Dear fSteve.
fYou too.
just fyi for the future - i like to get get kissed before i get fucked like this...
Oh, please, people. Doesn't anyone remember the Motorola (a company whose first product was a record player for automobiles) Razr came out? Loads of suburban housewives chucked 400 clams for the thing. 3 months later, the price dropped by half. 9 months later, they were giving them away with oppressive cell phone plans. Now, if you're not careful, you might wake up and find that someone has dumped 20 Razrs on your doorstep.
Hey, that's the price of early adoption.
-Mykel
I remember when the Razr came out. It was like the elite were the only ones who were able to get them. Now, Sprint gives away a (Red) Razr. Which is another thing... FSJ, if the iPhone was on Sprint... I'm nto switching to AT&T, and Verizon says I have bad credit. Sorry that I'm willing to go into debt to buy Apple products.
So now how long do we have to wait until they drop the price of the Touch iPod $100 bucks?
If I'm going to get fucked, I'd rather it be by Steve Jobs. Heck, who wants to get fucked by Bill Gates? Yuck. Seriously, buying the iPhone early was fun--and it was only $200 more--so what if Jobs wants to fuck us for $200? It was worth it. I had fun.
Come on, they are reserving the original price point for the 3g iPhone with 16G of RAM.
It is soooo obvious. Expect it to be announced near the end of the month in Europe.
>so what if Jobs wants to fuck us for $200?
>It was worth it. I had fun.
Apple just dropped the price of that fun to $100.
www.apple.com/hotnews/openiphoneletter/
FSJ,
Sorry, I know that you are one, but all this meat-oriented sex is getting me nauseated. We veggies do it with more panache (and no, that's not pain in the ass in any language). It's free love with us, scatter it all to the winds. Like wild oats, you know.
I did buy a Apple 20 megabyte hard drive for $1400 in the 1980's, a £500 ship's chronometer during the Queen Victoria's reign, and a 600 dinar astrolabe during the Baghdad Caliphate. They were all beautiful things, good enough for me.
Vegan Vegan
(Beauty at any price)
well spoken!
Please help European customers!!
http://www.petitiononline.com/appleeur/petition.html
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