Disney, don't even think about it

So you would think, since I'm on the Disney board and pretty much run the place, and because I'm the most powerful figure in technology and entertainment, a colossus bestride the narrow worlds of Silicon Valley and Hollywood -- you'd think, given all this, that Disney would back me on this fight with NBC. Unfortunately, over the weekend, a low level of grumbling and drum beating inside the Mouse House managed to make its way to the board level, and some of these frigtards actually made me fly down there and address their "concerns" and discuss the merits of bundling and raising prices and whether it's really in Disney's best interest to have someone on their board (me) who is also such an important business partner and isn't there a conflict of interest here and how do we know Jobso is doing what's best for Disney and how can he be negotiating with Disney by day and then making decisions for Disney by night, blah blah mwah mwah.

In other words, screw you, Jobso, we want to bundle our crap with our good stuff and raise our prices too.

In other words, Jobso, we know you're on the board, but the fact is, we've got more in common with NBC than we do with Apple.

First, let me say please check out the frigtards who make up the Disney board of directors. Chairman is a guy whose background is P&G. Then, in alphabetical order, we have Susan Arnold, another P&G robot, and John Bryson, who runs a power utility. John Chen runs Sybase, a software company that died 10 years ago but nobody has the heart to tell Chen. Judy Estrin from Cisco, no comment except to say that her nickname in the Valley is Judy Estrogen. Bob Iger, an ABC lifer. Fred Langhammer runs a cosmetics company. Aylwin Lewis runs Sears and, um, again no comment because I can't possibly imagine any other reason why he's on the board at Disney, honestly I can't. Monica Lozano's big claim to fame is that she speaks near-fluent Spanish. Robert Matschullat is a banker who worked for a booze company. Orin Smith worked at Deloitte and then Starbucks.

These are the people who are going to guide Disney into the digital era? Come on. It's a bunch of old white dudes with a few non-OWDs thrown in for window dressing. I mean, seriously, the word old doesn't begin to describe this room. Jesus. First time I walked into the board room I thought it was a reunion of the extras from "Love Boat." Half of these people wear Depends. No, I'm not going to tell you which ones. But trust me, we keep the meetings short.

I stood there yesterday looking at these stuffed shirts and then thinking about that crowd of teenagers I was watching in Glasgow earlier in the week (I go to all the store openings, in disguise) and I could not imagine two groups of people who could be less able to understand one another. I had this amazing epiphany. I mean these people running networks have just sat up there in their board rooms and conference rooms and private jets for so long that they've become completely untethered. They have no idea about how kids today want to consume media. Let me correct that. The issue is not how kids want to consume media, but how they are demanding media should be delivered.

So what happened at Disney yesterday? Basically I kept it short. I re-hypnotized those frigtards and told them they should not even think about bailing on Apple or trying to renegotiate their terms. They agreed. Then we had a nice lunch brought in and everyone said what a wonderful summer we're having and how awful this heat wave is and man oh man this global warning thing is just going to chew us all up if we're not careful.