So Kermit the Beastmaster just emailed me the PC World story and then called laughing his ass off. "So we're filing a complaint with the DOJ," he says. "We've got Real Networks and Roxio and all the record labels and movie studios joining up with us. Plus AMD and IBM and Sony and Samsung and Nokia and Motorola and the bankruptcy trustees for Tower Records. Free Software Foundation is filing an amicus brief. EU antitrust guys are going to testify. Some guy from Denmark or something. No idea. Anyhoo. Sun's getting involved, too, for reasons I don't understand, except I think Scooter doesn't like to get left out of anything like this and we're letting him come along because we don't want to hurt his feelings. Just wanted you to be the first to know, okay? Enjoy your time in the clown chair. I'm sure you will. Just as much as I did. Hey, maybe they can get David Boies to handle your case too. Trust me, he's a jackass. And look, don't take this personally okay? Because it's not personal. I don't even care if we win. Frankly I don't think we've even got a legitimate case. But who cares. I just feel like I owe you one. And let's face it, I've got more money than I know what to do with, and I just want to fuck with your head for a few years. Okay? Okay. See you in court. I love you too. Buh-bye. Mwah."
Friday, September 07, 2007
Gates: Welcome to my nightmare, old pal
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11 comments:
Hey Steve,
Why are you stressing. I mean, you just ripped off the Apple Fanboys, and got them thanking you for it. Let's put together your $100 Apple credit offer the way they sell tires in the USA.
$100 store credit.
Apple average profit margin: 50% (actual cost of credit now: $50)
2/3's of the people actually take you up on this offer (actual cost of credit now: $33)
Fact that they have to buy something worth at least the cost of the credit to get it's full value, and nothing in the store costs exactly $100, so average amount of additional sales: $50
Profit on additional sales at 50%: $25
Value of credit after deducting additional profits: $33 - $25 = $8
True value of Apple store credit given: $8
Original cost of iPhone over current cost: $200
Your profit/iPhone: $200 - $8 = $192
Value of being seen as a really nice guy again after being so generous to all your fanboys: PRICELESS!
Remember: When Google tried buying people off with a Google shopping credit after they closed their video store, they ended up giving ALL the cash back AND the credit value as well.
Go be happy with your victories, and don't worry about tomorrow. As for this current problem, any group that big against you is sure to collapse into its own black hole.
And if they don't, the worst that happens is that you actually have to compete.
Hi, I was told that this is where I go to get on the waiting list for the discounted iPhones. Please add me to the list. Thanks Steve.
Beleaguered!
Is there a fakesteve facebook account? That would be sweet!
Don't worry, bro. I've got the connections to get you out of this mess. Trust me. All you'll have to do is pick a charity and donate like $300 million. BTW, let's do the BBQ at your house this weekend.
FSJ,
That PC whirled article is full of manure.
Humanity has wiped its collective ass since who knows when. It's only recently that decent asswipe came on the market (if you don't believe me, see what they use in any 3rd world country, and many of the so-called developed countries too). By the logic of the article, just because Apple has a superior tp, it has to get slapped down? As(s) implied in the article, if you don't like the Apple ecosystem, go back to using newsprint. At least you can read it before you flush it.
Vegan Vegan
(PSA: Avoid using poison ivy leaves)
That picture of BillyG never fails to make my day.
"And if they don't, the worst that happens is that you actually have to compete."
Um, Microsoft Zune? Sandisk? i.beat blaxx? Aren't those competition? Are any of them 8 mm thin? Do any of them come close to either the functionality or design of the iPod? Etc?
Um, no. So shut the fuck up, you smarmy little piece of shit.
Use my photo without attribution again, and I will sink my teeth into you.
gates kinda sounds like he lost it or something
like REALLY LOST it
kind of scary if you ask me FSJ
mew.
"...Real Networks and Roxio and all the record labels and movie studios [are] joining up with us. Plus AMD and IBM and Sony and Samsung and Nokia and Motorola and the bankruptcy trustees for Tower Records."
It's jaw-dropping to realize that this reads like Apple's trail of dead.
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