Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I'm sending Ahmadinejad some Apple products


I don't know if you caught any of the footage from this thing where the new Shah of Iran was visiting New York this week and totally got into it with some hecklers and haters. The poor little guy is just so filled with anger. But beneath the anger there is also this incredible sadness. You can hear it in his voice, at least you can if you speak Persian, which I do. I listened to some of the audio from the event and honestly, I almost cried. So much pain! It brought me way back to 1976, to the original days at Apple and the goals we started out with. This is what we wanted to deal with. The anger, the pain, the sadness, the negativity. We saw our own culture wounded and saddened by a long and painful war, trying to recover. We saw our culture in pain and decided you know what? These people need beautiful consumer electronics.

Anyhoo. Long story short, I had my people pack up a crate of Apple products for the Shah and send them to him in New York. A few MacBooks, some iMacs, a variety of iPods, and an iPhone that they won't be able to use but at least they can play with the screen. My feeling is, let's reach out. Let's show these folks the best things about America, about the West. Show them our wonderful toys and invite them to use them too. Bridge-building has to begin somewhere. We're also talking about maybe opening a flagship retail store in Tehran. Namaste, crazy little Shah. I honor the place where your fingers and my iPod Touch become one. Much love. Peace out. (Photo: Khalil Gibran, Maxim.)

61 comments:

Anonymous said...

FS,

Just to be safe, you probably should include a note that "Wozniak" is not a Jewish name, and none of the products have been touched by gays during assembly or shipping.

Otherwise, I think you have it covered.

--Ice Cowboy

intenselygreen said...

Hey FS,

I love, Love, LOVE the idea of sending Apple products to help improve the sense of one world, one community. I bow before your wisdom in this.

Besides, it is just a matter of time before Nick Negroponte gets on a flight to Tehran and then Iran will have one more reason to distrust and hate the West.

Help them to see the light and feel the love, fake Steve!

P.S. You could call it one iPod per Child (OIPC) and you could do it for well under $100, even including a bunch of prebundled music. I'm certain Bono would donate a bunch of U2 tunes to the cause. Just an idea...

Anonymous said...

On a side note, I believe Osama is using a Mac. Have you seen his latest video? There is some post-production work going on there. And when you are running from cave to cave, you need something like a Mac that just works. A PC would have too much lag time and increase the danger level.

Anonymous said...

Reaching out to Ahmadinejad this way will invoke hordes of ICE enforcement investigators coming down on FSJ - there's a trade embargo with Iran. ICE make the SEC seem like Boy Scouts. Bend over and cough!

Mike said...

That's not the Shah, doofus, it's the Ayatollah.

And he's sad because he hasn't stormed an embassy and taken a bunch of people hostage in DECADES.

Anonymous said...

We created Algebra...have you heard of it ?

chickenface said...

FSJ, I'm pretty sure this guy is a windows user...

Anonymous said...

I presume El Jobso knows that there is no Shah in Iran, and that the language is Farsi. But he's probably making some wonderfully ironic and poetic point that we idiotic readers missed.

Right?

Anonymous said...

@chickenface

"FSJ, I'm pretty sure this guy is a windows user..."

Yeah, hence the anger and sadness.

L. Ron Hoover said...

Did you tell him you had the copyrights on the iRan ?

Anonymous said...

i have to remember you this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzxz3k2zQJI

ah the good ol' times


-rocco
the italian scallion

Anonymous said...

Just make sure the Tehran Apple store doesn't look like the NYC 5th Avenue Glass Cube which inspired outrage at the similarities to Kaaba in Mecca & we're golden... Namaste Jobso

PS - see if Al Gore can get Jimmy Carter to cut the ribbon at the Grand Opening

Fake Jonathan said...

As punishment for his anti-semitic ramblings, I think you should send him a boxload of Windows Vista!

mac said...

he is not a Shah or ayatollah! He is in fact a elected President with some trashed out ideas on the world as we westerner see it....

rvr said...

actually, he's not the shah or the ayatollah. the shah was the hereditary ruler of iran, and they got rid of shah's with the revolution in 1979. the ayatollah is the supreme islamic cleric in iran--the religious leader . ahmadinejad is the current president of iran. he was elected, though many would not consider the elections to be very democratic.

Nick said...

Mike -- DUH! If he was the Ayatollah he'd be wearing one of those cool little skull cap things.

Perhaps FSJ could send a few of them too, with the PC/Mac guys printed on them standing on the Iranian flag, to show solidarity? Who's in?

Peter said...

All we are saying is, "Give Macs a chance..."

Of course, you better make sure that you don't send them a Macintosh Pro. With that kind of computing power, they'd have their A-Bomb in weeks instead of years...

Hamvil said...

Quoting Fran Lebowitz:

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Avatar DJ Flux said...

Again, your photo credits are magnificent... but we Europeans actually know who these people ae...

And Gibran was of Lebanese origin, not Persian. You could have done better with Firdusi, or Omar Khayyam, or Shams i Tabriz...

Uh, wait, I'm swallowing your bait...
I'd better go back and study my Portuguese...

Anonymous said...

Jobsy, are you quoting Asimov? Foundation series and all that? Hook em with the gadgets? I guess you would be the Hober Mallow of this little planet...

Anonymous said...

FSJ,

Remember,you have half of Iranian Blood in your body.Dont forget your history ,the way most of American's does..

hotel bell slave said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

We were the first to distill alcohol, have you heard of it?

andy p. kappler said...

Dear11
I think that first must be seen and be accepted that war is not solution, and that war (also written without e) is not ecological, that war is against human and natural beeing. After that, war is no more possible. Religion is aftermath still a problem for foreign, but I believe she is to teach gently, if she is needed to understand else, for example that in a book ecology comes earlier, before economy
And what shall be with the human memories. Each country is under civil memory, and that's a mass of it, that could together build absence of wars.

A hot gun, I hate gun, ala is cracked, the oil is cracked, I'm cracked by the 40tausend IDEA headmens.department of the CIA. I don't send this mail. But I feel also some frustration of some of this underliners, "poets" and rationalist under the large page. Sorry I don't exactly if the IDEA is a part of the CIA or the FBI, in fantasy it's to trust it comes to the right hogar.

I did copy this words from tzviknk, from the page http://www.idopia.net/idea/ideaPage.php?ideaId=22: 1.hidrogen is 2 be the next solution to the oil problem.cheap and almost endless.2.u cant let non rational monkeys be in charge of nuclear power:a new Holocaust in ALA s Name sounds strange 4 western people??like Twin T s..impossible,??.3.With generous amounts of donations from all over the world,"poor palestines"cant get their country,even with the support of millions of muslims from all the earth.while there is war ,there is a great risk 4 all the "other " side of the world.Someone should have to explain in plain english what JIHAD means: death to the unfaithful, which means US.Since they are kids they are trained us little soldiers to HATE,not to build.Looking to a hole like oistrich wont do us any favour.it s in their nature and sacred Book.what would you expect??think about this..just think,search for more info and then think again..dont believe in anyone more than yourself,but do your homework and investigate reality and what to expect from a rational point of view,not utopical,pls.

I' am someone, a stranger, and would to try to explain to give some possible answers to the doubled question of above: Someone should have to explain in plain english what JIHAD means:
I think that's can possible that their "religion is poor", (really she is, from this point when they tell thems kids & people to training the hate) but in remembering the "civil memory" the diffi-cult had is not the hate. It is difficult to explain. As I can surround with my small position 'entertain one's mind, the experience, the impression of those peoples was that the GI's have infrastructures, aknowledements, satelittes in the sky, guns asl. Don't forget the "pop-corn machine-america". But maybe are the people a little bit sick from the pop-corn-machine, angry about, I don't know why! Maybe the p-c-m-a seems to egoistic as nation - and may-be the idea from the united states of america (and the world) was going lost? Was american culture poor? The reservats of the indians? Was america before a strong cowboy, or a nation?

In nonmaterial mind I resume that maybe the religious dimension of the question is also to respect. When they (someones of peoples You've maybe sorted under ALA-People's name); I'm in assumption they don't know much about A LA (Los Angeles) Projekts and Hollywood Film Agencies (all over the world). The Mind will not the windmill. Oh what a destroyish bullshit of war-making is - was america talking and teaching to their own childs ! Is it, was it necessairely to see all the days this "america is allways a proud and a big show"
Is the history utopical.

Oh my good, I try to explain what I mean a little bit shorter: The JIHAD in the religious dimension of the question is that they would say only JESUS I HAD YOU, they would tell: Jesus I have You 'inside me' and in knowing that the ALA (the alone) and with him the holly coranish-book, the curan the the court of the heart is meaning the same but older and from whom the history comes, the bible, the stolen book of the Q-ran. I believe, no I know, that the bible is the stolen book of the coran. I had known that the bible is the stolen book of the kuran-curan-koran-coran.

Resume to: Oh, I'm alone, but jesus "Idea of america" , I don't hate You, because I can't head (can't keep in mind) the hate, I can't feel the hed the head the heart is only a lone alown a loe lowe a lov ala a love.

Please understand, I'm not rational et.al -one I try to speak from 1 ala

(not chem.ala.nin-acid mountain, but hy, hidrogen is also dangerous to handle like 'religio', and the thrills. - of oil, my coil. oh my coi).

Is is a bunch of hogwash something like a hogar

Anonymous said...

People are missing the point. And I'm not talking about the irony in FSJ's blog.
They reject the west because they can't do what we do. It's pure envy. If they pray to God 5 times a day (or whatever) and you climb into your Mercedes at the end of the day, you must be allied with the Devil, or it doesn't make sense in their eyes. They are dwarfs that want to tear down towers (not my words).

justflybob said...

Yo, Andy P. Kappler....

WTF?

As in "What the frenchfries are you talking about?"

Anonymous said...

Damn FSJ to Redneck Rivera, I never know if he is kidding or serious? Is Steve really part Iranian? Ever since Agassi retired, my Iranian friend who is a Windows fanatic has been searching for a new hero... This will drive a pole up his butt :-)

Anonymous said...

Shoot, Andy P. stole my comment. I was going to say the same thing...

Anonymous said...

"We were the first to distill alcohol, have you heard of it?"

Yes, I have heard of it. In fact I drank Persian beer and vodka when I was in the US Navy and my ship was visiting Bandar Abbas, Iran. This, of course, was in the mid 1970s when Shah was still in power. The beer sucked, the worst I have ever drank, if I remember correctly the brand name was Sham's (as beer it was a sham.) The vodka was pretty good, but had quite an effect in the hellish heat of a Persian Gulf summer.

Now getting back on topic. Steve I think it is an excellent idea to reach out the Persians. Sooner or later they will have another revolution and throw out the theocracy and we want to be in the good graces of the liberal and moderate Iranians. Then you can enjoy a mug of Sham's Beer at the Apple Genius Bar.

Seriously we blew an excellent chance to spin Ahmadinejad's visit to suit our needs. We could have arranged a visit the Ground Zero, but had posters and banners positive to us (the US) in the background of photo ops. Then he would have to go home and explain why he is sucking up to the West. Instead our leaders act like adolescents.

Anonymous said...

Does Andy above speak English? I could not follow, but haltingly, his diatribe...

Anonymous said...

We invented the magic carpet. Have you heard of it?

Anonymous said...

andy, when you forget your meds, you're a poet, man!

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, etc. I'm with you in Rockland!

A. Nother Ginsberg
Still Dead, NJ

Anonymous said...

Er...ok then..

Anonymous said...

andy p. kappler:

Um, I'm sure it's blatently obvious to *everyone* else here, but I must be a little slow today.

Could clarify your point just a little for me?

Sorry, but you lost me at "I think..."

President Ahmadinejad said...

FSJ,

After my comment defending Woz, I am glad to have you reach out to me and the Iranian people. It is true, I have been a little down lately, maybe it's the iMovie thing or the fact that there is no good text editing functionality on the iPhone yet.

Anyhow, thanks for the presents, I am looking forward to the new IMS only Wes Anderson film and wait until the Supreme Ayatollah sees me walking around with "Bottle Rocket" on my iPod Touch!

Ramadan Mubarak & Namaste,

President Ahmadinejad

Anonymous said...

Andy Kappler-

I agree with you 100%! Er, just to make sure, could you repeat that?

Political science-tards and religion-tards::

Please take a seat next to the language-tards and geography-tards. There's plenty of room towards the back.

=bg= said...

WTF.

I am sure you're jesting, FSJ. This guy is the next Hitler.

Send him a Zune. And a hit-squad.

Anonymous said...

Sorry Jobso, but the only appropriate gift for this wanker is a nice young virgin goat.

Anonymous said...

andy p. kappler: where'd you get the dynamite shrooms? Watch out for giant lizards!

andy p. kappler/acap. said...

English or American is for me a weird strange language and it's sometimes very difficult to find the underst-and-able words to make freedom of mind & peace. But it seems that we all in this forum are filing for that to reach.
Personally i have no enemies and no militarish ambitions. I would just say to everybody "throw away your machine guns and war machines, make cooking-pots and railways to transport peoples for thems civil ideas and destinations & never forget that we all not will see that one day again the railways come in use for to transport peoples in institutions like the perversest nacionalsocialisme as a 'upperclass gentlemen agrement' had done !".

When i was a child we had little airpistols and we shot with thems in a empty steelbox. One of my best friends was come to the idea to shot 'only for fun' on a little bird. In this moment i felt like the bird he sungs everytimes for us his best songs & and i was for a moment very angry about my unbelieveable friend in childhood. I said to him, when you now are shooting the bird, then you came after and do shooting me, let the bird sing a peacesong for us, we have. He was in congruence and ever never more he tried to shot on a bird.

Some years later (my father was died by accident and i was in doubths about his astroway destination) i was in no good permission to give real audience to my stronger friend (the birdshooter) he throw a stone to my head (also because he has a strong mother and generally some agressions about that). I said ok. i had gived more audience to the bird, than to you, please sorry.

Again some years later we come to situation to must go in military. I said to him: "do you remember the birdsituation, my dead father and the throwed stone". "Yes" he said. And we had inmediateli the same idea and state of mind - - we don't go to military (because we are friends).(Let's forget this nonsense). Sorry not very poetic !

Algebraic maybe not 'correct' 1 Bird Moment & 1 throwed Stone = Product is = 2 Soldiers less. Primatic best result forever that a stoned 'indian' old boy with assistence of strange warrior can reach.

It's only to hope that the warlords all over the world would come gently to the same "Bird-Moment-Stone"-Philosphy (Medicine of Mind).

But really, i don't understand WHY the stone (When you keep one up from the earth then you see that is no more shadow under daylight, only light is under the stone).

It's just miracoulous!

Anonymous said...

We grow the Shiraz grape, have you heard of it?

Anonymous said...

wow is Steve 1/2 Iranian or you guys made that up?

Anonymous said...

Yo FSJ,
where's my pithy comment asking if Andy P was really just George W. ?


Anyway that was the joke.

And wasn't =bg= going to go and cry in the corner with jesus?
Where's the unreadership?
=flip=flopper=

aaorrock said...

Ice Cowboy wins the thread. Hilarious.

Anonymous said...

steve is half syrian, see wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_jobs#Early_years

Anonymous said...

Shallow witticism of Fake Steve Jobs aside...

The Shah was a HEREDITARY ruler of Iran that was RE-INSTATED by the American CIA to oust the previously DEMOCRATICALLY-ELECTED President, which the US hated because he was:
(a) extremely popular with the Iranian people (compared to the Shah he'd replaced); and
(b) didn't want to play along the American-scripted game.

Ahmedinejad is the new DEMOCRATICALLY-ELECTED ruler of Iran whom the American Government also hates because he doesn't want to play along the American-scripted game.

Which, you know, sort of exposes the current bull about Operation Bring Democracy to the Middle East.

Incidentally, Iraq WAS a democratic country. Saddam Hussein was not a King, unlike the heads of the other countries that the US continues to support (Saudia Arabia, Jordan, UAE, Oman...).

Okay, maybe the elections in Iraq/Iran are hardly fair, but at least they HAVE elections. Which is more than can be said for the Arab kingdoms.

- Amri
(I don't have a Blogger account 'cos I'm against Google)

A. Musing said...

As Craig Ferguson says. it's - Ahmadinnerjacket

Anonymous said...

He's 1/2 Syrian actually

renoir888 said...

Iit would be a great idea to really send him a bunch of Apple poducts. You might preload the ipod and iphone with lots of songs from iTunes, with note that gives detailed instrutcions on how easy it is buy more music from the iTunes library.

Fake Cyrus The Great said...

Syria was part of the Persian empire. (Steve jobs)

Armenia was part of the Persian empire (Ave Tevanian)

Sal Soghoian is Persian.

Looks like Cyrus the great's long term plan to dominate the world is panning out just fine.

Namaskar infidels.

stevievep said...

"Ah-ma-din-e-jad", it's not that hard.... At least your name isn't Michael Bolton.

justflybob said...

So, would you care to explain why you blocked the posting of my comment chastising those who lower themselves by making fun of anyone's name?

Humor or satire can live on just fine without comments such as: a. musing's posting of "As Craig Ferguson says. it's - Ahmadinnerjacket"

Kind of reminds me of the "hilarious" stuff people would email me shortly after the shock of 9/11 wore off and revenge was clearly the order of the day.

You remember? Those oh so cute images of American Airlines and United Airlines versions of B52 bombers dropping their payloads on anything and everything having to do with the middle east in general. Most idiots who gleefully forwarded this garbage couldn't find their rears with both hands, let alone where Afghanistan or Iraq were located on a map of the world.

Still don't remember? How about the zealots who screamed at, kicked, beat, or otherwise demeaned those who spoke out before we invaded Irag? Remember? We went in to stop WMDs? No, I don't mean Windows Media Devices.

Now these same folks want who brought you the war in Afghanistan (remember the Taliban? Guess what? Their Baaaack!), and the war in Iraq (why are we their again?) now have their sights on Iran and Syria. The war plans are made. Watch and be amazed as we step closer and closer to all-out war with yet another middle east country.

Mean, back at the OK Corral, we rally round the flag in the name of bringing "democracy" to those WE feel need it.

Folks, they HAD democracy. We the people are the one's who installed the dictators and despots to ensure OUR brand of corporate-inspired Democracy.

$3,122 fake bucks says you don't post this comment. Don't get the connection? That's the number of US forces killed in combat in Irag as of 9/25/07.

So, it's official. Our stupid war in Iraq has now killed more Americans than died as a result of 9/11.

Feel any better now?

John Brissenden said...

"anonymous said...
Shoot, Andy P. stole my comment. I was going to say the same thing..."


I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but LOL.

Is Andy P. Kappler the new FSJ or what? Am I right?

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busty z -
butts and blacks -
caged tushy -
cali logan -
cheerleader teasers -
cherry jul -
cum 101 -
cum academy -
cum faced asians -
cute chloe -
ddf busty -
diddy licious -
digital angel girls -
dirty lilly -
doctor adventures -
dotor tushy -
dp overload -
easy teen sluts -
emily 18 -
emma 18 -
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enslaved gals -
ericas fantasies -
ero model xxx -
erotic bpm -
explicit art -
fatal beauties -
fresh teen eroticaftv girls -
fun brunettes -
girlfriend handjobs -
goth chicks -
gothic sluts -
gotta love lucky -
guys get fucked -
hands on hardcore -
hardcore saints -
home made porn -
hot chicks big asses -
hot legs and feet -
hot wife rio -
i cum alone -
intermixed sluts -
irina sky -
jenni carmicheal -
jenny reid -
jessica precious -
judy star -
karas handfull -
karen dreams -
karen loves kate -
karissa booty -
karla spice -
kates playground -
katrina 18 -
kelly madison -
kelly q -
kendall blaze -
kira dreams -
kiss kristin -
kori kitten -
krissy love -
kylies secret -
lady boys and shemales -
lanny barbie -
la zona modelos -
lesbo mat -
lick me girl -
little liza -
little nadia -
love leia -
lovely anne -
lovely irene -
lovely tera -
love your tits -
lust for anal -
lusty busty chix -
maniac pass -
martina dreams -
matts models -
megan qt -
megan summers -
met art -
met models -
miss bunny -
my wife ashley -
nasty 19 -
naughty at home -
naughty belle -
naughty fun -
next door nancy -
next door nikki -
nicole graves -
nubiles -
oc girls -
older women -
only tease -
only teen blowjobs -
oral quickies -
pacinos world -
patricia petite -
paul markham teens -
peachez 18 -
phil flash -
planet corrina -
planet katie -
planet mandy -
planet nikki -
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pregnant girlies -
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princess blueyez -
private cuties -
rare asian -
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reality teens -
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rubber dollies -
sapphic angels -
scar 13 -
seanna teen -
sex city asia -
sex pro adventures -
sexy older moms -
sexy teen sandy -
share my cock -
she got knocked up -
shemales and transvestites -
simon scans -
sleeping tushy -
slippery sara -
smokin hottie -
southern brooke -
southern kalee -
squirting files -
strapon lesbians -
stuffed petite -
stunning serena -
summer banks -
sweetheart ashley -
sweet krissy -
sweet leah luv -
sweet models -
sweet n soft -
taryn thomas -
taste of uk -
teenage depot -
teen bitch club -
teen charms -
teen chloe -
teen flood -
teenie palace -
teen karma -
teen kayla -
teen keera -
teen labia -
teen larisa -
teens bj -
teen stars magazine -
tera 19 -
throated -
total super cuties -
toy desire -
tracy parks -
tranny chic -
tushy lickers -
tushy massage -
tushy school -
twinks -
us shemales -
view pornstars -
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wild shemale -
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hot haley -
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