That's right. I'm visiting the Borg campus and speaking there. No guff. The book publisher set this up. Apparently the Microtards just can't get enough of my abuse. I'm told that Beastmaster and Monkey Boy will both be attending because they want signed first editions.
The event is on Oct. 23 and I think you have to be a Microsoft employee to attend. Apple faithful, all I can tell you is that I will do my best to find out what the hell caused these people to create Vista. I'm posting this now so that there is some public record of the event, in case I go in and don't come out.
UPDATE: I'm trying to find out where the event is being held. Will post as soon as I know.
UPDATE: It's in Building 33, the Conference Center, in the St. Helens Room. Scheduled for 2 p.m.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Attention Microsoft employees: I am coming to your campus
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43 comments:
FSJ, don't walk towards the light!
Where exactly will this be? The Microsoft Campus is a big place.
Microtard here. At what building is the event?
Feed them the best you have. Omit your high colonic for once, and provide straws to make the sucking easier. Then sit back and see it show up in future versions of M$ products. (Although it's hard to see how they can outdo the shitty zune).
Don't drink to Kool-aid FSJ. Your alter ego may write SIOOMA-ish articles for Fortune (again). Bring your own water bottles and keep your thumb over the top at all times. Shake no ones hands. Touch nothing. And for mercys sake, burn your clothes after you leave. A colonic in the visitor parking lot might be a special touch 'o' genius you may wish to leave behind.
wow, so you ARE a shill for microslut.
lmao!
try: hey Bill, would you like to close MS down and return money to the shareholders?
Have you considered visiting that tech copy located off the 280 loop?
Jobso,
Looking forward to our chat when you get here. Do me a solid, tho:
dial down the Reality Distortion Field when you get here. I don't want my Microtards- er, fellow associates swayed too much by your mega-watt charisma. And for heaven's sake, no more mock turtle and NB 992's, OK? We'll drop the shields on the Borg Cube right before you enter.
Mucho love. Your buddy,
BMB
Jobso, be sure to check out the new Sun technology center in Redmond while you're there. Ballmer assured me that they'll run all the visiting VIPs through there.
Dude, they're inviting you round to give you one great severe kicking :-)
My mate made a gag at Bill Gates expense at a .net expo years ago. You should have seen the fury. He was like a bond villain. Only the richest bloke on the planet was capable of anger like that. The head of microsoft UK was sidelined soon after for letting it happen.
And you say he looks like Kermit...
If they have you walking down a dark alley saying you need to come in the back door, turn around and run, very fast!
Can I suggest having some 2nd edition volumes to sign for Beastmaster and Monkey Boy. They don't have to know until they get home.
fnk
Whatever you do... just don't do this.
For some reason they really don't like it.
Mate, how about a get-together in Seattle while you're here??
Don't go Steve, it's a trap! They'll ambush you and beat you to death with Windows ME boxes!
Good, welcome to my layer said the spider to the fly...
Not just Microtards please!
We Microtards will be waiting with hoodies, rope and torches in hand. Beware fruitcake computer lover...we will assimilate you! I suspect you will be in the conference center, most likely in Kodiak. We'll be sure to block off the exits. There will be NO escape.
Dude - way to go - it's about time they invited you.
Now you can teach them how to rip out all the settings and make things big and shiny - screw the end-users, they don't need to customize anything!
embrace us, hug us, learn from us and most important of all iMac us :)
Hi, my name Scott Barnes, RIA Evangelist Microsoft and i am an iMac luver. It's been 4 days since I last hugged my iMac and i miss it.
Don't look at me, i'm ashamed..
-
Scott Barnes
Rich Interactive Application Evangelist
Microsoft.
I suppose its worth it to see Borg and Monkey Boy pretend to be polite. Deep down, you know its only an act. Just like Al Gore preaching global climate change. As you start to speak, offer to teach them a new mantra: "developers developers developers developers", then as Monkey Boy starts to lead his minion chorus in chant, get the hell out of there!
Steve -
several rebel fighters and many good droids died to bring you this briefing.
It's a trap.
We have discovered a small flaw in the design of the microsoft campus. You're going to have to walk along the outside perimeter, go to sector 23, and find a small exhaust pipe. This pipe leads directly to the main reactor. If you manage to score a direct hit with your photon torpedos it should set off a chain reaction that will incapacitate the Borg. The opening is only a couple metees in diameter, so you need a clear shot. We anticipate Dark Lord Ballmer and Darth Allard to be on the campus. May the Force be with you. Make it so.
Apple Battle Command
-Adm. Ackbar
-Adm. Picard
Then it's on like donkey kong.
They probably LOVE your assholish comments towards Linux and OSS.
As much as I like the blog, anyone who really has such contempt for open software is a shithead.
Beastmaster and Monkey Boy! Hilarious.
Are you going to read from the book?
Reverse buyout? As a MSFT shareholder, I salute you!
I think Moshe should sew a GPS homer into your black turtleneck in case you don't return at a pre-designated time coordinate. With The Borg, you can't be too sure.
They may want to try to assimilate you into The Collective, like they did with our Captain Picard (aka Locutus.)
"We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your ships. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile."
don't do it, fsj! it's a trap!!! a trap, i tell you!!
it'll be just like the end of that freakin' twilight zone episode, where they suddenly yell after you as they're closing the door... "they think your book is actually a... a... A COOKBOOK!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
{pfffssst... or maybe it just so beastmaster goober #1 billy boy can say, "see? i was right when i said, 'i am not fake steve jobs!' hyuk, hyuk, hyuk ... see? i gotta sense of humor! see? ..." frakkin' goober}
Hah! Best nerd reference to the Locutus post. Nice. :) Ah, puts into perspective the garbage that is/was ST: Enterprass.
"Hi, my name Scott Barnes, RIA Evangelist Microsoft and i am an iMac luver. It's been 4 days since I last hugged my iMac and i miss it.
Don't look at me, i'm ashamed.."
Are you the one responsible for this SilverLite or whatever bollocks? WMV and ActiveX and CABwhatever not evil enough for ya?
If I see you on the street I swear I will shove a DW20.exe up your shaft...
The Mount St. Helens Room? Man, it's gonna blow! Wear your best asbestos turtleneck and jeans. Bring along lots of Schenley Bourbon.
Can I tag along?
I hate to correct my old buddy, but the line, shouted by his female companion as the door to the alien spacecraft is closing, is:
"'To Serve Man', it's a cookbook!"
"barnacles" - I know barnacles. I have studied barnacles. They have a good sense of humor. You are not a barnacle, you are a humorless git.
Fake Steve:
I love what you do almost as much as I love real Steve, and that is more than life itself.
For God's sake, absolutely do not break character. Remember the work of Stephen Colbert at the White House correspondence dinner. Whatever you do not pull your punches. I hope this thing is going to be recorded.
I would suggest start off with a remark like, "I said back in 1995 that the problem with Microsoft was that you all have no sense off taste. I have to say that in retrospect I got it completely wrong. 12 Years and Windows Vista have shown us that Microsoft definitely has a since of taste, and your favorite food is gruel. "
I'm confused... is it Fake Steve visiting, or Steve fake visiting, or?
can anyone of the Microtards please film the event? Free iPhone already waiting to be shipped for you!
Oct 23? 10/23? 1+0+2+3=6. Building 33? 2 p.m.? 33x2=66. 666!! Watch your back, man!
You need Moshe with you.
Three words: I can pass.
Email me. Mwah.
HAHA, that should be cool :P
one good reason to use silverlite
That is too bad i wish you were coming to our campus the Microsoft corporate campus in Redmond, Washington, is more like a park than your typical corporate headquarters i would love to hear you speak!
Cheers,
Matt
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