So I got the Leopard update. Put it on my MacBook Pro and got the dead screen that everybody is talking about. So just to test things out I call into our tech support center in Austin just like a regular frigtard, and I give them a fake name. They put me on hold. Music. More music. Guy comes back. Asks me a series of increasingly stupid questions. Tells me it appears to be my fault. Asks me if I'm new to Mac and how long I've had my machine. Gets all attitudinous on me. Asks me if I know what kind of processor my machine has. Starts to explain about the Apple icon and the "About this Mac" thing. I explain that I can't read that since my friggin machine is now totally friggin dead. He tells me I should have written all that down before I started the upgrade, and since I didn't do that I've violated my Mac terms of service and Apple doesn't owe me any service. He says I should take my machine to a local Apple store and get in line and wait for support. He says phone support is pretty badly overworked because Leopard is crashing all over the place and they're getting swamped with pissed-off people but that it's not Apple's fault because in most cases the problem is that people have done something wrong with their Macs which made the Leopard upgrade not work right. He says the dopes in Cupertino should have seen this coming and put on more staff for this weekend. Then he starts in on how lately his job in Apple tech support is just a world of shit and first they had issues with iPhone and then with the new iMacs and some of the new iPods are a total mess and it's all because friggin Steve Jobs has started using cheapo components in order to save money.
I asked for his name. He told me it was Patrick. I said, Patrick what? He said Patrick Siooma. I thanked him and hung up.
Called Ja'Red and told him to get a tech support person over here to the Jobs Domicile immediamente, if not sooner. Even that guy couldn't get the Dear Leader's machine working correctly. So he left me with a new machine and said he'll get the old one sorted out. Frankly I'm not so crazy about this Leopard stuff. There's too much eye candy, too much going on. Plus I knew Tiger really well and I don't feel like learning something new. But like Phil Schiller says, you gotta keep rolling out new stuff. Doesn't matter what it is as long as it's new. Fair enough. He's got a point.
In case you're wondering, young Patrick in Austin had a visit from one of Moshe's guys last night. Let's just say he won't be coming to work on Monday. But we'll definitely send some really nice flowers to the funeral.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
My friggin MacBook crashed
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54 comments:
Fake Steve I'm surprised at you. You should know that it's generally people using Unsanity's Application Enhancer are the ones having problems with the Leopard install. Only those who deviate from the Steve Way in using their OS X are being punished! I'd have thought you'd be behind that plan. Or.. gasp! Were you using the Unsanity hacks too?
So now you see what happens with phone support. You should've gone to the Genius Bar, Dude!
carbon copy cloner + leopard erase and install = joy.
then the little migration assistant in leopard makes it feel just like home again. only with quicklook which is so totally apple, so simple yet so good.
much luck with your macbook.
namaste
It's unsanity's application enhancer causing your crash. Ditch it, leopard will install just fine.
Heh. Leopard is pretty sweet. Fresh install is the key :D
The only way to roll it when you are installing Windows. So for Mac, fresh install gives you an absolutely pristine machine.
Just installed it Friday. No problems at all. I like it more than Tiger. Maybe you got a bad disc, FSJ?
I dunno steve. Mac help has been always been great for me, even though they do have to start at the novice end of the checklist each time.
Maybe this has changed in the last year as market share has zoomed, meaning an inordinate number of unwashed new users. And let's not forget the phone and ipod new users coming in from the windows world. Maybe it's draining the resources.
"...they're getting swamped with pissed-off people but that it's not Apple's fault because in most cases the problem is that people have done something wrong with their Macs which made the Leopard upgrade not work right."
sigh...
He obviously knew the right answer, why did he then choose to deviate from the script?
At least he can serve as a warning to the others...
Uh right. As if the real El Jobso wasn't already running Leopard.
Totally broken the suspension of disbelief and sense of childlike wonder from this blog.
Jumped the shark?
Sure, take the piss out of AppleSupport. They're the last ones to get the product to test, while the sales-drones get the nice and shiny new bits. Oh, tech-support now has to work from script? Brilliant...
Regards,
Gerrit
I was not planning to upgrade from Tiger. Now I know I won't for a long long time (or at least until I can run Unsanity's APE again).
Leopard is the first upgrade that just doesn't seem to have much real value. Much more eye candy than actual useful stuff. The only one I really am impressed with is Time Machine, but I'm too cheap to buy the required external disk drive. The only data I have of value is my iTunes library and I can back that up now.
I'm not really sure how the myth of great apple tech support ever got started. While I've when I have a problem and call them up, they ask me a series questions get stumped, and them suggest I reinstall my OS. Having an audience with a "Genius" has not proved much better. The last "genius" I talked to did such a great job that the stranger standing next to me asked to see the manager on my behalf.
Apple makes great products, that for the most part work .. but the support is often swing and miss.
Hmmmm,
Last week you visited the Borg, and now you're trashing Apple and Leopard.
What did they do to you?????
>> Heh. Leopard is pretty sweet. Fresh install is the key :D
Yeah, decades of using Windows has taught me that Upgrade is the way of the devil.
Besides it's a great opportunity to clear out all the crap apps on the machine that haven't been used in years and really have no hope of being used again. Then you also look around for apps that explicitly support the new OS. Those are the ones that are still actively being supported, and advancing. "Alive" as they say, as opposed to "dead" like the ones that have bought by Symantec to become milked out corpses.
Sure it takes a few days to a week. But spring cleaning is good.
Well, if i can´t update to Leopard properly here in Portugal, im pretty much screwed.
We only have 2 Apple Stores, 200 miles apart, and they´re both crap.
Oh, and the guys there are rude and use Windows... in a friggin Apple Store.
Say a prayer for me.
That's true, support does suck at times. I had a friend who's brand new iPhone bought from AT&T did not work, basically it would boot to the part where it showed the "Connect to iTunes to activate" screen then the scrolling text at the bottom would freeze and it wouldn't respond at all.
the AT&Tards wouldn't do anything so we had to call tech support. Well, since it was his second time there and he hates dealing with anything, I was pretending to be the new iPhone owner. The AT&Tard connected me with apple tech support, where the person on the other end of the line tried to get me to activate the obviously broken phone, saying that the operating system does not get LOADED until you activate. How dumb is this? How can the phone even turn on without an operating system?
But I digress. Steve, you got some real tards working support, and I am sad now that I didn't get the techtard's name when I had the chance.
Siooma.
It's that Redmond infection that you caught at the Borg campus. You have now spread it to tech support. Patrick Siooma was right, FSJ. It's your fault.
Listen FSJ:
If you think that it is funny to post that someone in tech support got visited by a hit squad because he did a bad job, you ought to take a step back and think about what you are writing in your blog.
It is no joke, not at all, to write stuff like that. In fact, I'm thinking about writing your bosses at Forbes and suggesting that you should be fired for writing stuff like this.
It is precisely this kind of stuff that lowers the bar for the public to think that torture and other kinds of physical abuse is acceptable behavior as long as you are on the right team--the good guys instead of the bad guys. Of course, who is good and who is bad tends to be a subject of opinion.
To close, while I know that you were trying to write a funny, satirical post, you should know that you crossed the line. Get real. If you do it again, I'm going to make trouble for you at Forbes. Don't think that I won't do it. All I have to do is make a few phone calls.
Namaste.
I never understand why anyone would install dot zero software.
I'd love an easy screen sharing tool, and Time Machine would help when I overwrite today's ad that I have not backed up yet, but I can wait while the adopttards real world beta it.
New is not better, my main app is from 1994 and even running in Classic is better than today's inDesign or Quark.
I only upgraded to Tiger recently to fix a Safari issue.
FSJ, given the nature of your blog, how is anybody supposed to know whether to respond to this post (or many others like it) as reporting or as a joke? What is your intent? Are your asides about cheap components and such supposed to be your opinions, or are they based on anything real? Lots of commentards and readtards apparently don't have the discernment to question the difference.
I just think you're in an ethical minefield. If the experiences in this piece aren't 100% true RDL experiences, you could be accused of taking a FUD shot at Apple. You need to have some more easily identifiable way for readers to distinguish fact and fiction on this blog. You feel me?
p.s. I miss all the condescending, sarcastic, insult-laced global-warming-denier posts. What happened?
I just found something weird. It's another fake celebrity...really ummm...different, though.
http://fakerush.blogspot.com
Where do they get these people?
Totally agree with Shepard. In my opinion, most support, for any product, is hit and miss. The real key is to find a tech support person who actually has a brain in his head. And then always go back to that person. Works for me anyway...
Come on now, Stevie - you've been playing with Leopard for months, so don't tell me you couldn't install it properly. I just did and everything is beautiful short of not being able to connect a back up drive to enjoy Time Machine. Oh BTW the APE is fine if you have 2.0.3 installed as the Unsanity guy's alerted everyone yesterday. Peace!
The best thing about Apple tech support is that I've never had to use it. Even though I've never owned a Windows machine, I've had to use Windows tech support for machines at work, friends' computers, etc.
The other great thing about Apple tech support is that, behind the scenes, stuff actually gets fixed. You're not dealing with the same basic problems, decade after decade like with Microsoft. Sheesh!
FSJ,
I'm surprised that you were not on the leopard beta trail, cussing out your engineers and programers along the way. So this loepard fiasco should never have happened. As they say, a death forseen.
btw, what's with the deal with Starbucks, but leopard has trouble with Java? The ying yang doesn't compute!
Vegan Vegan
(java gets me going...)
dont know - updated two machines (both upgraded- not archive and install) and both are running just fine. One was a g5 duo and the other an intel mbp. Actually i like leapard a lot but it isnt revolutionary
l
a lot of people may not even know they have APE installed. Logitech keyboard and mouse drivers install parts of it but not the prefpane.
FSJ, your varnish is coming off. What transpires from your post is that you're no Steve Jobs (i don't know Steve Jobs—and you're no Steve Jobs!), you are another spoiled whiner journalo who wants to jump to the head of the line because, because, because, well, if not, you'll write about it, and hey, i only do it to be the voice of the powerless millions of abused users, right. You should retire your blog—i mean, for your own sake, it's wearing thin- or, heck, i can even stop reading it, come think of it! It was fun though, thanks for the memories.
"In case you're wondering, young Patrick in Austin had a visit from one of Moshe's guys last night. Let's just say he won't be coming to work on Monday. But we'll definitely send some really nice flowers to the funeral."
This is truly crossing the line. Talk of funeral of a tech guy for not doing his job is 'attempted murder'. What happened to your senses FSJ? Even joking about murders can be taken seriously. Beware.
Only an absolute moron would take that seriously. Then again there are alot of morons out there. Point noted.
As someone who has been taken seriously for a joke like that I would agree you should be more careful. We live in a stupid world where the asshats have all the power and will do anything to shut up the producers. Its better to avoid their traps and stay free than let them take you down and wear you out over some nonsense.
Also, I think this is the best blog ever created but I am afraid that I may have to agree with len Essex. Hopefully it is just the antidote you had to take to fend off the pulonium the Borg slipped you that caused such a heinous post.
Commented from my godPhone.
Mauled by a Leopard. Oh, my!
It is no joke, not at all, to write stuff like that. In fact, I'm thinking about writing your bosses at Forbes and suggesting that you should be fired for writing stuff like this.
Oh get over yourself, anonymous.
Feel free to apply those pursed, disapproving lips around my li'l Balmer.
so are vietnamese fishermen off the coast of galveston chumming the water with li'l' bits o' patrick siooma? i'm surprised moshe wasn't behind this guy putting the first slit into his throat the moment he hit the disconnect button in austin apple tech support. are you getting soft?!
Yes, anonymous, if you're unstable enough, it could almost be perceived as an implied threat against a... fictitious character whose last name is... come on now... "siooma". "SIOOMA". This fictitious, non-existent person, who doesn't exist, who isn't real, who FSJ (also a fictitious character) just made up in his imagination, is probably traumatized. I know I would be, if I was that fictitious, non-existent character in FSJ's mind.
Ever watched a movie or anything? Frankly, I can't sleep at night just knowing all the things Hollywood is doing to their fictitious characters.
anony-mouses 8:30 & 3:52 - crack former israeli hit squads and former navy seals, led by moshe, now dispatched to your houses. make sure your living trusts and such are in order.
oh wait! i just made a satirical threat on you two losers! oh my god! someone call the police! homeland security!! invoke the patriot act! it's GITMO for both fsj & me!
hey, how's this sound — how about you two hose bags not cross the line and tromp all over the bill of rights like the administration of the last six+ years has done and honor that satire is free speech protected by the constitution?
gotta complaint? well, you can't complain to forbes about me, i'm just another commentard, like you (well, i'm of a higher gene pool level than you, but you get the idea). hey, tell you what. click on my name and follow the link. come to our house in portland. you can complain to, well, me! 'cuz i'm the one in charge of my own comments, you frigtards! ask me to fire me.
it's freakin' satire, you unfunny, stick-up-yer-rectum political-corrrectness-tards!! jobs has been written about in several biographies and blogs, from people who have actually worked with him, as being freakin' mercurial at best. he comes off publicly as all zen-like, minimalist, and yer best tech-guy-pal next door inventing nifty stuff for you, but at 1 infinite loop he's known for screaming tantrums in the board room at engineers. making a joke out of him wanting to dispatch an assassin squad to do the wet work on a discourteous tech support frigtard is something every end user, be it software or hardware, has wanted to do at one point or another.
and i say that as some one who used to be in friggin' tech support for a major software company!! i gave mostly stellar service to callers and people on-line, but i had compatriots who even i wanted to strangle for what they'd do to the customers.
god, now you've made me go and over explain a good gag, which means the death squad will now kill you both twice before you hit the ground
namasté. i honor the place where you meet the afterlife.
Works fine for me.
Worked fine for me from the get go. No wahalla.
Lun Esex said...
Uh right. As if the real El Jobso wasn't already running Leopard.
No sane engineer would voluntarily install an alpha, beta or otherwise non-RC on SJ's machine: his temper is infamous... He always has the elevator to himself for instance, no-one dears to share it with him...
Whoa, 3 different whinetards complaining about your hit-man joke FSJ. And one of them says he's going to tell on you. You must be shaking.
"my main app is from 1994 and even running in Classic is better than today's inDesign or Quark. "
Andy, I'll bet your service bureaus just LOVE you...
those morons can't even read from the script anymore. he forgot to say, "and be sure to buy something whilst your junk is getting tuned up by a genius. preferably something expensive, like another mac..."
Andy, I'll bet your service bureaus just LOVE you...
-------------
PDFs
Have you heard of them?
I can't remember the last time a native file left my desk. I have six years of PDF ads archived so it must have been sometime before summer 2001.
To give you an idea of how long ago that was, back then The Toronto Star called to tell me they did not accept colour PDFs.
I am planning to switch to inDesign or upgrade to Creator 8 as Suitcase Classic support is non existent and auto activation stopped working.
I totally apologize for the guy in Austin...people here are REALLY laid back and quite often don't give a monkey's ass about much. The motto here is, "Relax...it's aaaall good."
I'm always surprised when big-tech guys move their businesses here - don't they realize we get jobs just so we can play hooky and go to the Springs?
Yo, FSJ...
Flying down to DFW in a week or so. Not opposed to handling some wetwork for you and Moshe by way of Austin.
Wink, wink
Nudge, nudge
And on another note:
Sung to the tune of YMCA
Why can't I boot?
It's only Leopard, dude!
Why can't I boot?
Upgrade and you get screwed.
You should have "Clean Installed",
Now you will have a ball,
and Time Machine won't work at all.
So let me tell you 'bout it.
Dork, dork, dork, dork dork!
(It's fun to play with it)
Why can't I boot?
It's only Leopard, dude!
Why can't I boot?
Upgrade and you get screwed.
As I write this:
SuperDuper does not have a compatible upgrade.
TimeMachine will hose your SuperDuper backup.
TimeMachine doesn't see past "Today", no matter what some MPB Pro folks do.
VMWare Fusion's 1.1 beta is a blessing in Leopard. (Hell, at least SOMETHING went right).
Spaces won't remember what you put where.
Permissions get hosed no matter what method you use to back up.
Mail does its best to screw up whatever gmail accounts you are dumb enough to give it access to.
All in all? Pretty eye candy and some speed improvement. All at the cost of relative stability.
So, Oh Great One? Did anyone as a developer get anything close to release to work with? I mean really....
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I KNOW it's a new release.
But when, oh when, will companies stop putting out these obvious public beta releases? This one isn't ready for Bronze release, let alone Gold.
Hello FSJ. Great post, but one issue: it's spelled "inmediatamente" if you intended to write "immediately" in Spanish.
Hey Fake Steve,
It wasn't 3rd party apps that crashed my Leopard install.
I had done a clean erase and install (which you carefully hid in the OPTIONS button, but I found it). And things were going awesome with the clean install.
Then, I absentmindely checked for Apple software updates, and saw the KeyChain update, and clicked INSTALL. Then upon reboot, the Blue Screen of Death appeared.
So it was Apple's own update that sunk my Mac.
By that time, I had loaded on my last 10 years of photos, and had deleted the source files, thinking I was going to backup with Time Machine. How was I to know the darn Mac would die just before I could get Time Machine going.
I was spitting chips. 10 years worth of photos up in smoke because of some Apple update.
How can you blame 3rd party apps. It was Apple's own Keychain update version 1 that killed my Mac.
I had to spend a calls to Apple helpline, each around an hour and a half, with no successful result.
I found the answer on the bulletin boards. I had to use another Mac to read off the data using target mode. Thanks to the friendly people who answer bulletin boards. Otherwise, I would have done a 2nd clean install and wiped the last decade's worth of photos up in smoke.
Still, now that I've got Leopard going (without the Keychain download this time), it's working great ... for now.
My Leopard upgrade worked fine. I always do a clean wipe first - just a long standing OS habit, I guess. Dunno why, exactly. 'Cept with Apple stuff I don't have to wipe after - diffrent from my last employer's stuff.
Wow. I upgraded my last Linux OS in a half hour, and all my files and such came with! Glad I didn't spend money on all that awful opensource stuff...
And why does everyone on this blog call everyone else a tard??? There are more names out there - use them! The English language is diverse and wonderful.
An amused reader - who has used almost all OSs...
Steve, your slip is showing. Your phone support problem with poor Patrick was not person-oriented, but process-oriented. A good manager would spot this right away, and instead of porking this guy to your adoring public, you'd have kept it in the dystfunctional Apple family instead - where it belongs. Four demerits for you.
HOLD ON HERE! ....with regard to that BLUE SCREEN supposed problem...... way too many people are jumping to conclusions here....... I too had seen this blank blue screen on install of Leopard on my G4 Laptop... of course i cannot speak for anyone els... but when the blue screen appeared and did not seem to go away... rather than give up and assume that it crashed... i had patients and let the computer sit for about 10 min... SURE enough... eventually... the computer booted up... im assuming that the upgrade just took a long time... granted... im on a G4 Laptop... not one of those fast and fancy INTEL models... needless to say... it DID eventually start up and i have not seen any major issues... sure there a few bugs... but most are minor enough for me to continue to work until there is an update... AND just for the record... im not running a simple setup... i have tons of software that was already installed... some are major applications like Adobe CS 3 as well as other third party software ...all working without issues.... i have to say... im IMPRESSED with LEOPARD... HAVE PATIENTS OUT THERE PEOPLE... Realize that if you are doing Archive and Install... A lot of your hard drives out there are HUGE... and large amounts of data take time to backup...
It will crash. That's an Apple secret. Bad things happen to good Apple's too!
I love the new MacBook Air. MacBooks are so cool.
It will crash. That's an Apple secret. Bad things happen to good Apple's too!
I love the new MacBook Air. MacBooks are so cool.
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