So after talking to Eric about this blindfolded basketball technique it occurred to us that naturally the process can be sped up in direct relation to the number of players that are throwing up basketballs. So we thought it might make sense to enlist the millions of people outside of Google. Eric says it's no use, since Google already hires all the smart people in the world. Or, as he put it, "If you're not already working at Google, there's a reason."
But who knows? Sometimes a mob can create something beautiful. I mean look at Linux. Also, let's be honest. The New Ideas Development Team at Google (right) isn't exactly setting the world on fire. Folks, these kids need our help. Free sugary snacks alone cannot save this company. So in the spirit of open source collaboration (which Google loves because it means you give them your ideas for free) I am using my blog to host a competition to help Google find something else to do besides search-based text ads.
HELP GOOGLE FIND A NEW BUSINESS
A few guidelines. In order to fit with Google's established business model your business idea must be something where (a) other people do most of the work; (b) Google gets the money; and (c) it can remain in beta forever.
To save you time I've included below a list of businesses Google has already entered. Problem is pretty much all of these lose money. See, the Google kids are very smart and creative, but they all like to price their products at zero, in the theory that this will help them gain market share faster. (Crafty little fuckers, right? In fact they're just following the Schwartz Theorem, devised by Jonathan Schwartz of Sun, which holds that market share grows in inverse proportion to price, with a zero-dollar price point translating to 100% market share. He's even got a set of very cool-looking multi-colored charts showing how this works. Turns out, however, that this is another one of those Valley beliefs, like Metcalfe's Law and the Long Tail Theory, which aren't actually true if you bother to scrutinize them. The good news is that nobody out here ever scrutinizes anything. The mantra is, Believe, believe, believe.)
Eric, thanks to the wisdom of his years, realizes that you can't have only loss leaders. At least a few of your ventures have to be able to make money on their own. So keep in mind as you're dreaming up ideas that preference will be given to ideas that could possibly make money, though, strictly speaking, if history is any guide, potential profitability will not be an actual requirement to win the prize (which is a free copy of Google Docs and/or a ride on Google's commercial spacecraft, which will be announced soon.)
Anyhoo, here's the list:
- Word processor in the cloud. Status: Done. Income: Negligible.
- Spreadsheet in the cloud. Status: Done. Income: Negligible.
- Photo storage in the cloud. Status: Done. Income: Negligible.
- Calendar in the cloud. Status: Done. Income: Zero.
- Google Earth. Status: Extremely cool.
- Google Maps. Status: Done. Income: Zero.
- Google Street View. Status: Not illegal, but should be.
- Google Talk. Status: Done. Income: Zero.
- Google Pack. Status: I know it's around here someplace.
- Google Ride Finder. Status: Still waiting to get picked up.
- Google Transit. Status: Lost.
- TV ads. Status: Uncertain.
- Radio ads. Status: See "TV ads."
- Video game ads. Status: See "Radio ads."
- Patent searches. Status: Who cares?
- RechargeIT hybrid car thing. See here. Status: Hybrid cars, dude.
- Clean energy. See here. Status: Nice gesture.
- Google Checkout. Status: Um ...
- Google SketchUp, 3-D modeling. Status: Alpha? Beta?
- Robots on the moon prize. See here. Status: Robots, dude. On the freaking moon!
- Google NASA. See here. Status: Awesome!
- Neven Vision. Image recognition. (Acquired.) Status: Mindblowing.
- YouTube videos. Status: Done. Income: Negligible.
- Scanning books. Status: In process. Income: Zero.
- Blogger. Status: Done. Income: Negligible.
- RSS Reader. Status: Done. Income: Zero.
- Google PC. Status: Vapor. Income: Zero.
- Google OS. Status: Vapor. Income: Zero.
- Gmail. Status: Done. Income: Negligible or zero.
- Orkut. Status: Done. Income: Don't know, I don't speak Brazilian.
- OpenSocial. Status: Pipe dream. Income: Zero.
- VaporPhone (tm). Status: Release-ware. Income: Zero.
- Storage in the cloud. Status: Pre-alpha. Income: Negative.
- Electricity. Status: Pre-vapor. Income: GBH. (Gonna Be Huge.)
- Radio airwaves. Status: Bidding. Income: Zero.
Also, if you're thinking that instead of just giving your idea to Google maybe you should create a company and sell it to them, well, here's a list of companies they've acquired, and where possible we've provided dollar amounts so you can get some idea how much you can expect to make.
- Adscape. $23 million.
- Tonic Systems.
- dMarc Broadcasting.
- Marratech video conferencing software.
- GreenBorder Technologies.
- FeedBurner. $100 million. Brings in money.
- PeakStream.
- Zenter.
- GrandCentral. $45 million.
- ImageAmerica.
- Postini. $625 million.
- YouTube. $1.6 billion. (Note to self. Copy this one.)
- Zingku.
- Jaiku.
- Dodgeball.
41 comments:
How about this? Google Statistics. Need to know the team batting average of 1974 Los Angeles Dodgers? Google it. Howbout the total rainfall in Kyoto in 1931? Google that. You could generate charts, print them out on glossy paper, and save your searches on your Google account. With context-based advertising of course.
I really wish I had the time and money to sink into this: www.whatamidrinking.com. A user content generated site would help you identify what your mixed beverage is called. If your milk + grenadine + olives cocktail isn't in the database, be the first to name it for a $5 zazzle coupon.
I mean, it could be a subscription-based thing too... (see previous comment) if the database was super-comprehensive, people might be willing to pay a monthly fee for it.
(channeling Dr. Evil)
One MILLION laptops per child! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Sent from my iPhone 2.0 beta.
Brazilian doesn't exist, we speak Portuguese.
GooMD records/transcription services... and it crashes
to a 'black screen of death'. The new Middle Ages for all the up and coming geriatrics like y... never mind.
Katie is your Consuelo.
Could you re-schedule your aneurysm, the beta service is no longer available.
Income: whatever the insurance companies and
GooMD records/transcription services... and it crashes
to a 'black screen of death'. The new Middle Ages for all the up and coming geriatrics like y... never mind.
Katie is your Consuelo.
Could you re-schedule your aneurysm, the beta service is no longer available.
Income: whatever the insurance companies and
GooMD records/transcription services... and it crashes
to a 'black screen of death'. The new Middle Ages for all the up and coming geriatrics like y... never mind.
Katie is your Consuelo.
Could you re-schedule your aneurysm, the beta service is no longer available.
Income: whatever the insurance companies and
gov't agencies can spit out before going
belly-up.
Readerbot. Give your blog URL to Google, and they in return will guarantee to have x unique bots read your blog posts ... every word of it.
Free for the first 10,000 unique Readerbots. Pay after that.
One weakness of the ad-supported business model is the internet, which lets people very easily research products before buying them. Google could work itself out of business by devoting a site to the collection of product/service reviews/benchmarks/comparisons from different sites such as newegg, best buy, target etc. while allowing users to post reviews (with a similar user ranking system to eBay). Companies, rather than paying for ads, could pay for top slots in categories (i.e. Sony shells out so that when you look for High Def movie players, their latest Blu-Ray comes to the top).
It seems like a good idea, anyway, which means it probably exists, so Google should buy that company and hype it.
>> Brazilian doesn't exist, we speak Portuguese.
Wow, it looks a lot like English. I had no idea I could read Portuguese. Thanks for the heads up!
Idea: Cardboard cars.
How: Take the technique these guys use and redesign the machinery to make car bodies instead.
Why: Because 'ultra cheap plastic cars' is already taken.
Market: Places where it doesn't rain.
How about context sensitive ads in Google Street view. They can be placed in the picture as a flyer on a wall or replace the ad on an already existing billboard...
Here's a few ideas we had, filled up a whole whiteboard...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mg315/2076751326/
Click "All Sizes" to see a bigger (and more readable) version
Google World Government v.02b
Buys third world nations, overthrows their government and installs puppet dictators to turn them into narco-states while bilking billions. First world nation expansion pack TBA.
Google Truth v.4566873 build 2
Allows the highest bidder to alter contents of press releases, news stories or any media feed in order to "soin" content favorably. Got an oil spill in Alaska or San Francisco? With Google Truth you can make people believe you opened a wildlife refuge instead! Currently beta testing with the White House's Surge Strategy in Iraq.
I like the Google Statistics idea--you could Google the home run record and get a context-specific ad for steroids!
Porn, of course. The market is huge and Google has the capability to make it happen. New slogan: "Don't be evil and get caught."
You know, FSJ, you're almost as driven as RSJ. I hesitate to visit your site because I know I'll have to stay too long to keep up with all the insanely great posts.
Missing from your acquisitions list:
Applied Semantics (2003, price undisclosed). Intelligent content indexing; powers Google's AdSense. Revenue: Gi-normous.
You forgot Google Analytics (free and awesome!) and Urchin (don't know the purchase price).
Google Interview Beta.
Where a user can sign up to be interviewed over and over and over again. While being bombarded with AI driven obtuse google interview questions which are contextually linked to Adsense. Commercials and product placement DURING your interview.
And in the end, they never get back to you.
Koogle-Aid (Google Kool-Aid)
Sold in plastic bongo drums - the kids drink the Koogle-Aid and then bang out some rhythms on the empty bongo containers.
One Business: Crush the Borg and the telcos by putting them to sleep.
I'm serious. Look at all the damage they have done to the human race, and the damage they continue to do to those poor fools who embraced the OS and the PLAN.
spam.google.com
Enter your email address and have it instantly added to every spammer's list.
See also Google Dicks (dicks.google.com)
These first thoughts are where I imagine them going anyways.
Between the amount of fiber they own, and their server farms:
Backbone infrastructure
RFID based Advertising
Advertising technologies
Semantic Web Research
OR, just becoming so indispensable to the world's connectivity that money and revenue is no longer an issue. all you need is access. (at least I feel this is what they are on pace to do)
With the upcoming FCC bid, you see Google flex muscle with policy change for the first time. Says something for their level of access already.
As far as an acquisition for the FCC Bid, how bout this start up:
http://buglabs.net/products
This company is already using open source architecture for making next generation wireless platforms.
Google tosses them a couple million,
either ditches the original architecture and incorporates its on proposed format, or it uses the semantic web research to have it be translatable to its own architecture.
Run the company under the original name still. Release the phone with Google features as a creative collaboration with Google. Thus enabling purpose and access to the litany of projects in the original post. And as it is part of the wireless device it means those projects are turning a profit as well, if not for being padding under the auspice of services included in the cost of the device.
All I ask is a mill outa this deal. Or at least an internship after I graduate. Pay for my grad school, something.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MOUNTAIN VIEW -- Google is today announcing Google China (tm). Google, Inc. (Nasdaq: GOOG) has acquired a controlling stake in the People's Republic of China and is initiating a radical new business model for the world's industrial powerhouse. All goods produced by Google China will be free to end-users and monetized by covering them with relevant ads from the Google AdWords (tm) network.
Google Chinese (tm) workers will no longer receive wages, but will be paid 0.7% of the revenue generated by AdWords on their products. Workers on the Chinese mainland will also have free access to the Google cafeteria on the Mountain View, California campus.
Google president Eric Schmidt expressed enthusiasm for the company's new venture. "Imagine lead-painted toys with ads for lead poisoning remedies, inflatable love dolls with ads for pornography websites, and iPhones with ads for the Open Handset Alliance, and you get an idea how big this will be," he said. "All intellectual property pirated by Google China will also become part of Google Creative Commons (tm)," Schmidt added. (Note: The trademark "Google Creative Commons" is not in the Google Creative Commons.)
Chinese President Hu Jintao will join the Google board of directors and supervise the Google re-education center. Mao Zedong will become honorary Google Chairman; Mao's mausoleum will become part of the Google Creative Commons.
About Google, Inc.
Google, Inc., founded only half-an-hour ago, is the leading provider of internet search services to the world's identity theft, terrorism, pornography, and corporate espionage industries.
Press Contact
Gretchen Engleman
Engleman, Bittner & Louche
gengleman404@gmail.com
Copyright (c) 2007 Google, Inc.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Quit giving them ideas on where to stick ads that they haven't already planned on.
Try and give them something they can make money off of that doesn't involve selling ad space. They are obviously having a hard time doing it.
You can make lists like this (where the parentheses are angle brackets):
(ul)
(li)First item(/li)
(li)Second item(/li)
(/ul)
also forgot
- jotspot (wiki, done, no income)
- measure map (blog metrics, done, no income)
- android (phone software/OS platform, announced, no income but good PR)
This isn't an either/or choice presented here, this where Google must go next:
1)Google Sports Franchises - the name of the team wouldn't have the city, it'd only be the company name, i.e the Google Rockets, the Google Stars, the Google Giants. No matter the sport, just buy established teams or establish expansion teams in any and all leagues. Here's the beauty, players don't get paid extravagant salaries ; every player gets same base salary. Bonuses are awarded at end of season based on individual player performance, overall ticket and related merchandise sales. First few seasons, teams may suck - but they will improve and when incentive system kicks in, watch other teams in other leagues follow Google sports salary model.
2)A currency. Not gift certificates, but an actual currency. Get it recognized and used worldwide. Form a central bank. Issue loans and borrow money. Issue treasury notes, bonds. Stay away from exotic investment instruments of any kind. Buy, store, trade gold, silver, nickel, copper and platinum. Make coins and ingots only for numismatists and dumbass investors, as coinage as currency will start to disappear in five to seven years (the U.S. one-,five-, and ten-cent pieces are being readied to be taken out of circulation by 2011). Trade in electronic and paper certificates only (paper currency will disappear in eleven to eighteen years).
3)An alternative version of a nation state, first suggested by Neal Stephenson and William Gibson - a distributed nation state. Somewhere between a family clan and the Knights Templar. Buy one of those disappearing Pacific atoll nation states to use as home base until the distributed nation is established enough (so you don't get laughed at when you apply for official recognition at UN and apply for embassy credentials worldwide) (it won't matter if the sea rises and submerges your atoll base, you can build a cement platforms in its place, later, a la Sealand - like a real Bond villain, how cool is that?), relocate the original inhabitants to New Zealand or Australia, then move employees, shareholders, chosen geek-cult followers and hired band of mercenaries for defense of "homeland" and to police the rest of the clan worldwide. Call it a community first, so no one will laugh or start watching you for tax evasion, then start issuing security tags or electronic tags to members - Google ID. Create schools and universities, health and medical institutions, insurance and finance institutions worldwide - open only to members of Google Distributed Community. Eventually buy Amazon.com and eBay and rename as Google Markets. Eventually create separate Google Government from Google, Inc. Oh, and somewhere along the way, buy a few nukes for security, in case some Luddite nations threatens to invade home base.
scary thing is this is so true!
Google Hookers, which would integrate google maps, google talk and would get a cut in the transactions through google checkout. A no brainer, with a nice side effect: the over sexed kids working at Google could blow most of their stock options using the service, pushing them to keep working.
That's what I'm saying sotired. Cardboard car! That's more than thinking outside the box, thats steping outside the box and then from outside reshaping the box...into a car!
....
Plus, you know, they could print ads on it or something. :/ And bundle a Google Phone so the driver could get weather alerts to watch out for rain. And sell small text ads in the Google Weather Service because the driver will really be paying attention, let me tell you.
Print text ads on toilet paper and distribute it for free.
Free pictures printing service. Text ads added as watermarks.
Mr Beardface!
Your comment about the mob creating something beautiful i.e Linux is so bang on. Had you tried Gutsy Gibbon by now you would have seen it has more eye candy then Billy Goat and your offerings put together!
Proceed to light your own nipples on fire!!!
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"Gmail. Status: Done. Income: Negligible or zero."
how come??
"Eric says it's no use, since Google already hires all the smart people in the world. Or, as he put it, "If you're not already working at Google, there's a reason." I would agree with Eric unfortunately!
Cheers,
Kala
Thank you for the wonderful effort
إني تذكـرت والذكرى مؤرقـة * مجـداً تلـيدا بأيـدينا أضعـناه
أنَّى اتجهتَ للإسـلام في بـلـدٍ * تجْده كالطيرِ مقصـوصًا جناحـاه
كـم صرفتنا يـدٌ كنـا نـصرفها * وبات يـملكنا شعب مـلكناه
بالله سل خلف بحر الروم عن عرب * بالأمس كانوا هنا واليوم قد تاهوا
وانزل دمشق وسائل صخر مسجدها * عمن بناه لعل الـصخر ينعـاه
هذى معـالم خرس كـل واحـدة * منهن قامت خطيبـا فاغرا فـاه
الله يعلم ما قلبت سـيرتهم يومـا * وأخطـأ دمـع الـعين مـجراه
يا من يرى عمـراتكسوه بردته * الزيت أدمٌ لـه والكـوخ مـأواه
يهتز كسـرى على كرسيه فرقـا * من خوفه ، وملوك الروم تخشـاه
يا رب فابعث لنا من مثلهم نفـرا * يشـيدون لـنا مـجدا أضعنـاه
Thank you for the wonderful effort
إني تذكـرت والذكرى مؤرقـة * مجـداً تلـيدا بأيـدينا أضعـناه
أنَّى اتجهتَ للإسـلام في بـلـدٍ * تجْده كالطيرِ مقصـوصًا جناحـاه
كـم صرفتنا يـدٌ كنـا نـصرفها * وبات يـملكنا شعب مـلكناه
بالله سل خلف بحر الروم عن عرب * بالأمس كانوا هنا واليوم قد تاهوا
وانزل دمشق وسائل صخر مسجدها * عمن بناه لعل الـصخر ينعـاه
هذى معـالم خرس كـل واحـدة * منهن قامت خطيبـا فاغرا فـاه
الله يعلم ما قلبت سـيرتهم يومـا * وأخطـأ دمـع الـعين مـجراه
يا من يرى عمـراتكسوه بردته * الزيت أدمٌ لـه والكـوخ مـأواه
يهتز كسـرى على كرسيه فرقـا * من خوفه ، وملوك الروم تخشـاه
يا رب فابعث لنا من مثلهم نفـرا * يشـيدون لـنا مـجدا أضعنـاه
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