Accident my ass

Listen up guy. As I've already said, there are no accidents. This is all part of our grand plan.

The Lady Clintstone must be stopped

Hill's at it again. The latest faux pas, as they say in Germany, was the "slip" about RFK's assassination. Lady Clintstone backed off, but she knows you can't unring a bell with this lame "did-I-say-that-out-loud?" act.

As Jung once said: There are no accidents.

Obama, Barry, baby! As I've warned you more than once: Watch your back.

Just in case, Moshe is dispatching Shlomo and his bagmen to backstop your Secret Service detail.

No wonder Yahoo's in trouble

Check out this this video tour of Yahoo headquarters. Sheesh. No wonder this company is in the mess it's in. Literally. When Katie got to the part (at around -6:06 if you can stand it) with the cluttered, gee-gaw-filled offices, I threw the iMac across the room. And went to my quiet, clean, cool place. For three days.

Money quote from the Yangster after Filo reminisced about the early days when they worked out of trailers: "Look at us now! we have a whole campus all to ourselves."

Not for long my friend. Not for long.

You ask. We Deliver

The 3g iPhone vulcan mind meld is working as planned. See here. And here.

Our agents at Goldman Sachs followed our instructions.

You're welcome.

Sergey offers the Yangster an out

Those around First Ave in Sunnyvale, keep a sharp eye out for Uhauls. The Yangster may be on the move.

Sergey last week offered the Yangster his own personal exit strategy.

Much love to reader JSG for the link.

FWIW, also check out the Yahoo company blog. With all that's going on, what was the subject Friday? Penny Day. You got that right.
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The Borg: Just makin' granola

Girlfriend Kara Swisher's doing the Beastmaster's bidding this week, talking up the borg's alleged "organic" Web-search-and-ad stew. Project Granola they call it. The thinking is that Microsoft has so much cool crap in house it doesn't need no stinkin' Yahoo.

Yeah. Okay. We've heard about the billions the Borg spends on R&D. Problem is, no one can think of one truly creative thing it's ever done. Oh, wait: my people do rave about Nathan Myrvold's cassoulet.

Word of warning to the Yangster if he's still in the game: Despite all its cash, the Borg won't buy what it can steal.

En garde, twittertards

I'm not supposed to talk about this but it's too good to hold back.

Apple blazing trails again, this time with a gadget that will silence twitterers at will. Regardless of their device.

Imagine the chagrin as the twitter mobs get revved up only to have their peckings dissipate into the ether! What will Scoble do if he can't tell the world when he's sleeping. When he's awake. When he's being annoying (which face it, is all the time)?

Sweet. Wonder how much Sarah Va-Va-Voom Lacy would pay for this baby?

Maybe we'll trot it out at the already-sold-out worldwide developers conference.

Maybe not.

Attention iPhone queue actors: Wrong week, assholes

Jesus I am freaking the hell out. I just had Katie and Phil in here mumbling excuses and trying to blame the contractor who hired the actors for the iPhone queue outside the Fifth Avenue store in New York. As you may have read, the bozos started lining up yesterday -- a full two weeks ahead of schedule. I mean we've worked this out for months here in our Fifth Avenue mock-up set in Building X at the Cupertino headquarters. We've had rehearsal after rehearsal after rehearsal. How to give our rain gear, when to give our water, what kind of ratty-looking folding chairs to use. We've had these unemployed actors doing week-long run-throughs, and everything has been perfect.

And now this. Phil says it's the contractor in New York who got the folks out on the sidewalk and had them out there chanting until we got wind of it and had them hustled away. I told Phil it doesn't matter who screwed up, the whole thing falls on him. Moshe and his boys are dealing with Phil now. Then it'll be Katie's turn. It's the full Gitmo for both of them. Sorry but it has to be done. Peace out.

Confession: I'm scared shitless about the 3G iPhone rollout

I'll be honest. I've never been completely happy (or even a little bit happy) with our AT&T relationship. When I read stories like this I just want to curl up under my desk and cry.

This cannot stand

The Clintstones never say die. The only hybrid as noxious as an iPhone/Vista abortion would be an Obama/Clintstone ticket. But that's just what Billy Bob is pushing, according to Time maggie.

Key snippet:

"In Bill Clinton's view, she has earned nothing short of an offer to be Obama's running mate, according to some who are close to the former President. Bill "is pushing real hard for this to happen," says a friend.

Listen up Barry! Don't get sucked in. They'll be talking all Dreamteam and shit but once you're in there, you know you'll get shivved. You'd be as disposable as Larry's number two at Oracle.

Believe it.